The Power of Words

I'm not one to swear much. In fact, I hardly ever swear, and when I do it's typically muttered under my breath. I grew up learning that some words were bad and should never be said. But this blog post isn't about swearing.

I recently watched a video (at the bottom of the post) where Paul Tripp was talking about what makes bad language bad. And what started as an explanation of why a certain swear word in particular is not always unwholesome language, it convicted me in other ways that I use language.

I don't swear (a lot). I don't use culturally "dirty" language. But I do speak unwholesome talk far too often. I mask my "clean" vocabulary with sarcasm, with biting comments that are not always ill-intended but wound others more often than I'd like. I try to use humor to make people laugh, but there are times when I am simply exposing flaws in others and putting them down. The vast majority of the time, I don't intentionally use my words to bring others down, but I let my tongue slip in a way that communicates that I care more about being funny/looking good/impressing others than I do about loving others well.

How should we communicate then? Let's look at what the Bible says about that:

"Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen." -Ephesians 4:29

"Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how to answer everyone." -Colossians 4:6

Our words are just another way that we should be pointing people to Christ. I look at these verses and I think of how often I screw this up, and I also notice how strongly these are worded. "Do not let ANY unwholesome talk..." "ALWAYS FULL of grace" This is a zero tolerance command.

I love the way that Paul Tripp puts it: "The Bible says that wholesome communication is intended to give grace to the hearer...I'm called to love you like Christ loved me. What is that love? It's easily defined: It's willing self-sacrifice for the redemptive good of another."

My words are not a way for me to lift up and glorify myself. They are a way to glorify Christ and show others the grace He has shown me. Sometimes, that requires self-sacrifice: holding back a joke that will make fun of others or resisting to make a sarcastic comment when I'm not happy about something.

I want to love others well. I want to be encouraging in my conversations. I want to only say what is helpful for building others up. I want to point others to the God that has forgiven me of all my sins. I invite you to join me.

Daniel

The book of Daniel in the Bible is quickly becoming one of my favorites. And not because it shares my name (which I do happen to like). What I am consistently being struck by as I read through this book is how much faith Daniel has. Not only does Daniel have faith in God to do incredible things through him, but along the path he is constantly talking about how broken he is.

Now, I know that lots of Bible characters have a lot of faith. There are countless people over the years that have had to trust in the promises of God only to watch him fully provide. But Daniel chooses to say no to the temptations of the world in favor of the promises of his Lord. In interpreting dreams, he has faith that God will reveal the true meanings to him. In disobeying the king and continuing to pray to God, he has faith that he is serving the true King. In being thrown into the Lions Den, he has faith that God will protect him. This is not even to mention the faith of Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego, who had faith that God would help them survive being thrown into a furnace. Underlying their faith in these specific aspects of God's character is a faith that God is real, that He is alive, that He is moving, and that He loves them deeply.

Now, I'm not going to lie, if these things happened to me, I would have a hard time controlling my ego. The moment I walked out of the lions den unscathed, part of me would be thinking, "All of these people are pretty impressed with me. I like it." I would have a temptation to tell myself that I am great and try and steal glory from God.

But this is what really intrigues me about Daniel. He seems to have the exact opposite reaction that I envision myself having. His prayer in chapter 9 is as humble as humble gets. He reveals a heart that is so aware of the fact that he has been redeemed without reason. He has been forgiven by a merciful God :

"The Lord our God is merciful and forgiving, even though we have rebelled against him; we have not obeyed the Lord our God or kept the laws he gave us through his servants the prophets. All Israel has transgressed your law and turned away, refusing to obey you." Verse 9-11

"We do not make requests of you because we are righteous, but because of your great mercy." Verse 18

Sometimes my view of God is so small and my view of my self is gigantic. I know that God is real and that a perfectly merciful and just God has forgiven me. I know that He sent Jesus to bear every sin I have ever committed on the cross so that there would be a way that I could be in a relationship with him.

But I still have such little faith. At times, my heart has a hard time grasping what my head knows so certainly. I rely on my own power. And when I succeed, my prayer is rarely that of Daniel's. Sure, when I mess up that is my prayer, but almost never when I am successful.

I want Daniel's faith. I want to be unafraid when I walk into a lions den because I know that my God is fully sovereign. I want Daniel's prayer to be true of my heart all the time. I want to be in constant recognition that I have rebelled against God and it is only because of his mercy that I can even approach Him in prayer.

I am so thankful that God knows me fully, that he knows I lack faith at times and am prideful at times. I am so thankful that he can see my brokenness in its fullness. And He still loves me. I am so thankful.

An Attempt at Processing Ocean City Summer Project

Well. Here goes nothing.

I feel like I've been avoiding this moment. The moment where I sit down and actually begin to think through my summer and look at all I learned and all that I can continue to learn from it. It seems so overwhelming that my lazy self has waited until now to attack it.

Being home has been hard. People talk about the infamous case of Post Project Depression that usually hits students following an amazing Summer Project experience. I don't think I have that. I would call it more of a Post Project Apathy. But even through this time at home where things are not always rainbows and butterflies, I have been learning things about myself that I would never have noticed without my time in Ocean City.

In order to make the procedure of processing as simple as possible, I am just going to make a list of the things that I learned. I like lists, and I hope you do too. Let's begin:

1. Community has so much potential to point people to Christ, but it begins with initiative. The community this summer was incredible. It was amazing how quickly we began talking about our deepest darkest secrets and reminding each other what grace looks like. It was amazing how we surrounded each other with love during hard times and laughed with each other during easier times. But there were times this summer where I felt dissatisfied with the community. I know...shocking. And one thing that I wish I had done more was take initiative. Take the initiative to ask someone to hang out one-on-one or go sharing or talk about things more meaningful than the weather. One of the best times of authentic community that I had was when a couple of guys spontaneously decided to plan a group quiet time where a group of us read a passage in the Bible and then discussed it. This was not planned by the project, but it was a sweet time of community and pointing each other toward Christ, and it all started when a couple of guys took initiative. This can happen at Northwestern, I just need to take initiative. Anyways, I could write a whole blogpost on this, but I have more points to make.

2. I need to remind myself of the gospel so badly. It is so easy for me to fall into the mindset of thinking I need to perform for God. It is so easy for me to feel guilty when I fall. Jesus died for that part of me. The law is my delight, and I have been freed from the chains of sin. I am clothed in the righteousness of Christ because I have put my faith in Him. I am forgiven.

3. I am really selfish. I almost always pursue my own wants and desires, even subconsciously. I want to put myself first, I want to make myself comfortable, and I want others to notice me. This is the essence of my sin. Almost all of my sin. I idolize myself and want to serve myself in whatever way possible. I have a hard time thinking of myself as a living sacrifice. But that is what I am. And if it came down to it, I would be willing to count myself as absolutely nothing for the sake of Christ. I think. It is really hard.

4. I am really bad at making time for God. The end of the summer got really busy for me. As the leadership team duties began to pile up and work at McDonald's continued on as normal, I began to have less and less free time. It often seemed I had two ways to fill this free time: have a quiet time or hang out with people. As my time in Ocean City winded down, it became easier and easier to convince myself to spend my spare moments investing in other people. While it was loads of fun, it took a toll on my relationship with God.

5. I really enjoy leading people. Maybe I just love control. But I think that it is one of my strengths, and I love being able to serve people by leading them and (hopefully) pointing them to Christ.

6. I loved giving my talk. It was probably my favorite part of the summer. For those of you who don't know, I had a chance to give a talk to the whole project on Isaiah 6:1-8. Ask me about it, I would love to explain more.

7. One thing that I've been realizing in this past week at home is that my fear of God is so little. I think that I take my forgiveness and promised salvation for granted. I rarely think of what God has saved me from and what wrath I deserve that he has chosen to pour out on his Son instead of me. This is something that I am still processing through right now. But fear of the Lord is a big deal and I want to grow a lot in this area.

There is still more, but that is all I can think of now. Thanks for reading.

I'd love prayers for my time back home. I've still got three weeks or so, and it is going to be kind of lonely. Please pray that I will be using my time to dive into God's Word and prayer. Pray that I will have strong community with the couple of guys from Northwestern who live near me. Pray that I will find all of my satisfaction in Him. Pray that I will not be comfortable where I am.

Also, I love questions! Feel free to shoot away!

What I Learned While Working the Lobby at McDonald's (Part II)

I think my last post pretty much summed up that I was not a huge fan of working the lobby at McDonald's. I'm a cashier, not a lobby attendant, so I feel out of my element. Well...today I worked the lobby for the second time since I began working at McDonald's. And my experience was quite different. I would actually describe it as really good. When you begin to read the rest of this post, you might think I'm being sarcastic, but I promise I'm not. Bear with me.

I came into work at 11, and right away they told me that I would be on lobby duty for the day. For a split second I wasn't pleased, but I quickly reminded myself that I am not working this job to please myself or to please my employers. I am working this job for God's glory. So that was my attitude for the day: I am working for God.

About a half hour into my shift, I end my first round of cleaning by checking the bathroom. It was relatively early in the day, so I wasn't expecting much of a mess. Mirrors and sinks? Look good. Urinal? Fairly clean. First stall? Not bad at all. Second stall? My heart just about dropped to my feet. The handle was broken, and there was poop in the toilet. But I'm not talking just a little log and a bit of toilet paper. I swear three people pooped in the toilet and filled it with toilet paper. It was as gross as the image that is in your head right now. Trust me. But as my eyes catch their first glance of this catastrophe, my first question was why. Why did these people poop when there was already poop in the toilet? Why were they so stupid? Then I think to myself: maybe if I ignore it, I will get off at five before anyone notices. So I just ignored it. (By the way, that's five and a half hours of nobody noticing a massive amount of poop)

That was around 11:30. We had a lunch rush that began soon after my bathroom check that lasted until 1:30. I was busy enough wiping down tables that I wouldn't have even been allowed to leave the floor to clean bathrooms. So far so good. 

As things began to die down around 2, I was sweeping when a lady came over to me. She seemed relatively innocent. She was probably asking where the ketchup was, or maybe one of the soda machines was out of ice. "I threw up a little bit over there." Oh. Wow. Ok. Wasn't expecting that. I go and grab the mop, and thankfully when I return she had wiped up most of the damage. But the smell remained. You know the smell. Relive it with me. Once the wall of vomit odor passed me, I mopped up the rest of the mess, and it ended up being a fairly harmless experience. 

But then an old friend came knocking. You guessed it, the poop sitting in stall #2.

Someone finally complained about the bathroom, so it was time to work up the courage to clean it. I walked over to my manager, Christine, and said, "There's a....uh....mess in the men's room, and I have no idea how to go about cleaning it. Oh, and the handle for the toilet is broken." I thought maybe throwing in the broken handle would prompt her to call a plumber and spare me the cleaning duty.

"You're gonna have to put on some gloves and scoop it out into a bag. Sorry"

The moment had arrived. The words I was dreading the whole day finally were spoken. For a moment I considered the possibility of running away. They probably couldn't catch me, right? I laughed in disbelief. I was going to have poop and toilet water all over my hands. Well...all over my gloves. But still it was gross. 

I arm myself for battle and confidently strut into the bathroom. I walk over to the toilet, and before I could think too much, hold my breath and start scooping. It was nasty. I'll spare you the details. But I remained sane because I couldn't smell it. So I just imagined that I was scooping Play-Doh or mud. But about halfway through I made the mistake of breathing. The smell hit me like a ton of bricks and, the fact that I was not actually scooping Play-Doh or mud became reality. I did everything in my power to keep myself from making the mess twice as bad (if you know what I mean). As I composed myself, I finally finished the job. 

I deposited the excrements in the dumpster and returned to a pool of brown water. I put on a new pair of gloves, and did my best plumber impersonation. I took a look at the handle and after a couple of minutes of finagling, I was able to fix it. It was as good as new. So I flushed the rest down, threw my gloves in the trash, washed my hands 35 times, and proudly told my manager that I had not only saved our customers from having one toilet to poop in but had also fixed the handle. 

I had two jobs that I would never have asked to do, but I had one of the best days at work. 

This past week, I've been really convicted about how selfish I am. My thoughts revolve around me. My desires revolve around me. My actions revolve around me. The last time I worked in the lobby, God really used it to begin the process of seeing my selfishness for what it really is. The whole time I was complaining to myself about how much I hated the job and how much I would rather do other things. 

It was so pivotal to remind myself at the beginning of my shift that I am working for the glory of God. My whole attitude was different. I was joyful. I was singing along to the radio. I wasn't complaining to myself. Sure, it wasn't fun to clean poop or vomit, but as I was doing it, I couldn't help but laugh and be happy. It was strange. 

This life is not about myself. Summer Project is not about myself. My time at school is not about myself. My job is not about myself. It is all about giving glory to a God who has shown us the greatest love we will ever know. Let us do everything for Him.

"So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God."

1 Corinthians 10:31

What I Learned While Working the Lobby at McDonald's

Yesterday at work, I had the absolutely miserable task of cleaning the lobby at McDonald's. To most of you, this doesn't mean much. But let me tell you, it was horrible. My duty was to patrol the lobby, the area where people sit and eat. I repeatedly walked around the lobby while checking if the garbages were full, wiping down tables, gathering trays, sweeping, and cleaning the bathroom. It was a continual state of deja vu. "This table is dirty. Didn't I just wash this table?" Yes, yes I did. "The soda fountain is out of ice. Didn't I just fill it?" Yes, yes I did. The tasks were monotonous, and I was utterly alone. The only company I had was the Top 40 radio playing in the background. It became my best friend (and was actually kind of fun to sing along to quietly). But I don't want the radio to be my best friend. No one does. And not only that, but our grumpy owners were in the store for the day and one of them corrected me four or five times on how to do things. It seemed like they were watching my every move.

Basically, by "absolutely miserable," I mean "kind of annoying." But it was more dramatic to say absolutely miserable, and I wanted to hook your attention.

But as I was doing the lobby, my least favorite thing to do was sweep because my arms got kind of tired holding the broom and the dustpan for so long. As I walked around, I would look far under benches to the never-explored corners of the McDonald's lobby floor. It was kind of gross back there, and there was definitely garbage that needed to be swept up. But these areas were the easiest to pass up and skip. It was so much easier to clean the areas where people walk frequently, knowing that it would give the appearance of a completely clean restaurant. But it was really just a facade. The corners and under the benches were filthy, but I figured if no one knew, it wouldn't hurt them. And I think every person that has cleaned the lobby for the past six months has thought the same thing, so the dust and trash continue to build. If it stayed the same for years, mold would probably begin to grow and creep into the walls, endangering the entire infrastructure of the building. It was easy to ignore the dirty parts of the restaurant knowing that it would never be seen. It was even easier to only clean the areas where everyone could see that I had done my job well.

I think in a lot of ways this reflects my attitude toward sin in my life, and I think a lot of people also have this view. It's not that I'm not vulnerable or that I'm not willing to open up about sin in my life, but when it comes to actually taking action against sin, it is easy to be passive against those that seem like they will be hard to remove. It is easy to motivate myself to clean up the ones that are easily visible or ones that I know people will ask about. This is such a small view of sin. This view implies that God only wants us to be fighting sin if it is convenient. It implies that the only sin that matters are those that other people see, when really God sees how sin can take over our entire heart.

But sin is a big deal. Sin is an offense against God. It is a slap to the face. It is saying "You are not enough to satisfy me." It is saying "You love me more than I can imagine, but I don't really care."And there is a reason Paul uses armor as a metaphor against guarding from sin and the attacks of the enemy in Ephesians. Because we are in a constant battle of sin trying to tell us that we need not go to God for all of our love and satisfaction. And it is when we believe these lies that our fellowship with God suffers. And we believe these lies more than we can ever imagine. So let's fight for a better understanding of sin. Let's radically fight sin in our life, even when it won't be easily seen by others. Let's remember that God sees it all. Let's remember that no sin is too big for God to forgive.


And let's celebrate this incredible forgiveness and love we have received.


"Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God. And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for the saints." Ephesians 6:14-18

Rooted

If I took away everything that people know me for, who would I be?

At Northwestern, amongst my friends and in Cru, I feel pretty well known. Not in the sense of popularity, but more in the sense of having a distinct character that stands out. I have an identity. I am the funny guy who isn't afraid to be really loud and make himself look like a fool. I am the emcee of Real Life who enjoys having a microphone in his hand and talking until he is told to stop. I'm a now-out-of-the-closet singer who records songs with his roommate in his dorm room. But what if that was all stripped away? Who would I be? How would that feel?

To be honest, I feel pretty satisfied with the identity that I've built for myself. It feels good to have people like me and encourage me. It makes it really easy to be comfortable and "enjoy" life. But what would happen if all my friends stopped laughing at my jokes, maybe even stopped hanging out with me? If I was booed off the stage at Real Life and told I should never talk again? If I had friends who hated my singing and posted nasty comments on my YouTube videos?

It's hard to avoid thinking that I would feel like absolute shit. Pardon my french, but I actually think that I would feel like the scum of all scum, absolutely nothing. These are some of my greatest fears, and it would be incredibly difficult if they were to come true.

My identity is in these things, yet they are temporary. While my fears will most likely never come true, it is possible that they do. And then where will I turn? Will I finally put my identity fully in Jesus? Once all of my other options fail?

Hear me carefully: it is not bad to enjoy good things and have a personality that people like. It is not bad to get upset when we are rejected. The problem comes when those things become our identity.

The moment we begin finding our identity in anything besides Christ is the moment we choose self-sufficiency over reliance on the Spirit. It is the moment that we tell God that our identity in Christ isn't enough, that we need more to be satisfied. When our identity is not in Christ, we are not trusting Him. We are choosing to not believe that He is good, faithful, and enough to satisfy.

"I am the vine; you are the branches. If you remain in me and I in you, you will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing." John 15:5

It is when our identity is rooted in Christ that we are living according to His will. It is when we are firm in our faith, remaining in His love, that we can bear fruit, that we can even do anything. When our identity is in the temporary things of this world, we can do nothing. On our own, we can do nothing.

As followers of Christ, our identity is not defined by our sin or the things of this world. This is not how we stand before God. We stand before God justified by Jesus' death on the cross. We are seen as righteous, forgiven, and white as snow. Completely clean. And we are offered the chance to remain in this love. Abide in this love. What reason do we have to find our identity in any other place?

Let's surrender our identities. Let's show with our thoughts and actions that we need no other source of satisfaction. Let's choose to believe that God is good, that He is faithful, and that He is more than enough.

A Response to My Own Ocean City Ramblings

I wrote last week about my struggles against the idol of acceptance here in Ocean City. I talked about how frustrating it is to know that I am accepted by God, but not truly believe it in my heart. But in the past couple of days, I realized that I was looking at it completely wrong.

First, I just want to say thank you for all of the encouragement I received. Honestly, I needed it and it really did give me more confidence to step out of my comfort zone and risk looking like a fool in order to get to know more people on a deeper level. And yes, as I've now been here over a week (cray cray, I know), I have been able to get to know some guys on a much deeper level. It has been a huge blessing.

But I want to go back to the incorrect ways I was looking at my idolization of acceptance.

Before, I was trying to tell myself that God accepted me. I was trying to remind myself of this fact, repeating it over and over in my thoughts and prayers. And God really did show up and give me peace and comfort. I'm grateful for His love and faithfulness. But this wasn't really lasting more than a couple hours or maybe a day. As I wrote before, it was going to be a process. But I was essentially trying to believe harder. I told myself that if I kept saying this, eventually a switch would flip, and I would go from unbelief to belief. If I believed hard enough, eventually I would reach the breaking point and come to terms with the truth.

I think this is why I knew these truths but didn't believe them. I was trying too hard. I ran to the cross for temporary relief from the emotions that were overwhelming me, but when it came to actually believing the truth, I tried to do it on my own.

But God doesn't want us to surrender parts of our thoughts to Him. He wants all of us:

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart
and lean not on your own understanding;
in all your ways submit to him,
and he will make your paths straight."
Proverbs 3:5-6

It says "all your heart" and "all your ways." It means it.

So I changed the way I view this idol of acceptance in my life. I view it through the truths of the gospel. And instead of believing harder, I see the beauty of Jesus dying on the cross and I have already seen my heart begin to change. At the moment I came to know the Lord, I was clothed in the righteousness of Jesus. I became a child of God; son to a Father that loves us unconditionally and accepts us. When he looks at us, He sees Jesus, and He says, "You are my Son, whom I love; with you I am well pleased." I was freed from the burden of trying to earn others acceptance because I have overflowing love and acceptance from my Heavenly Father.

A switch was not magically flipped in my heart. I continue to struggle with this issue. But I am not going to change my heart and my thought patterns by trying harder. I am going to do it by returning to the truth of the gospel, what is true of followers of Christ, and diving deeper into the meaning of the bloody death of my Savior. I am being sanctified, and as I trust God with all my heart and submit all my ways to Him, He will make my paths straight. He will change my heart.

I think this applies to every idol we have in our lives. And we certainly all have them. Stop trying to change what you think out of your own effort. It's not about doing anything. It's about surrender.

Prayer

"God aims to exalt Himself by working for those who wait for Him. Prayer is the essential activity of waiting for God - acknowledging our helplessness and His power, calling upon Him for help, seeking His counsel. Since His purpose in the world is to be exalted for His mercy, it is evident why prayer is so often commanded by God. Prayer is the antidote for the disease of self-confidence, which opposes God's goal of getting glory by working for those who wait for Him."

John Piper, Desiring God

And Repeat

It seems like this is going to be a process. I take steps out of my comfort zone as the day goes on, and by the end of the day, I usually have had fun, quality interactions with a couple people. But when I wake up in the morning, the confidence that I have gained is gone. The butterflies in the stomach are there. The uncertainty of who wants to talk to me lingering in my head. Lies dominating my thoughts. So I repeat the process.

Walking in the Spirit is not something that we just begin doing one day. It does not magically become a habit that is a characteristic of our lives. We must make the conscious decision each and every day to walk in the power of God, not in our own. And it is tough because I have always done everything in my own strength. But God's presence does not leave us. He is sealed inside of us, and will never leave us alone. So we repeat the process.

Thankful for a God that always remains faithful.

Ocean City Ramblings and Fears

Ocean City is supposed to be the summer of my life. It gets talked up about how awesome it is and how life changing it is. But right now all I want to do is be at Northwestern where I am comfortable. I have 6 of my closest friends here with me, yet it is so easy to be sitting in a room filled completely with people and feel alone.

I'm sure this will change in a week or so. I'll finally have lots of friends and meet lots of people. But right now I'm having a hard time not feeling bad for myself and complaining in my head. Everything seems so fake. I just want to finally have real relationships with people here.

I feel like I am constantly in fear. I'm afraid of different things, but it certainly feels like it is surrounding me. And maybe these fears are unwarranted. I don't know. But I have them, and I don't think they're just going to go away.

I'm stuck in this tug of emotions. Part of me hates discomfort so much. I don't hate being here, but I hate these emotions that are going through my head. Most of them are lies, but battling them is exhausting. It is one thing to know that the acceptance of others doesn't matter and it is another thing to believe it. I know it. Everyone tells me. But I am still striving for the acceptance of real relationships. Those are the relationships where I really feel loved.

The other part of me knows that I absolutely need discomfort. In the midst of discomfort is where I most frequently run to the arms of God in desperation. Desperate for Him to fill me, not the empty words of others. Desperate for His love, not empty acceptance. In the midst of discomfort is where I feel God's unconditional love and grace. It overwhelms me almost to the point of tears. No part of me can do this on my own, and it is in the midst of discomfort that I realize that. I am so thankful that God doesn't hate me for how often I neglect Him in favor of my own effort.

And He doesn't just "not hate me," he loves me. And that is enough.

Wow! I was about to end my blog post with that past sentence, but please just sit on that amazing fact for a second. The reward of following Jesus is Jesus. He is our inheritance. And that is enough. Nothing else is necessary. All of my fears and worries don't need to exist. I have Jesus and he is absolutely enough. That is such a frustrating thought to know that and have such a hard time believing it.

But I am so thankful for that. God is praiseworthy for giving us this Inheritance that is completely satisfying. And we have done nothing to deserve it.

I posted this on this blog, and not on my Ocean City blog. Maybe because it is more personal. I think I would tell people I was feeling this way if they asked me, but I don't want it to be read on a blog before they know me.

Anyways, I would appreciate your prayers.

If God is faithful, all of his promises must be true. If all of his promises are true, then everything that happens to those that love Him and have been called according to His purpose are for their good. If this is true, then there is absolutely zero reason to worry. But the problem is we don't believe this.

Romans 8:28 is quoted so much that it has almost turned into a cliche. But God did not put the verse into the Bible so it could be turned into just another cliche. He put it in the Bible because it is true and because He is going to hold to it. The more we come to realize that this verse is true 100% of the time, the more we will be able to see the goodness of God, even in the the seemingly bad things. 

I write this because I worry a lot, not because I have this figured out at all. Join me in trying to deepen our understanding of God's goodness and his bigger character.

Why I'm Getting Baptized

I'm getting baptized on May 27, this coming Sunday. If you're reading this, I would love for you to be there. Feel free to ask me for more information. But I know there are definitely some people out there wondering why I am doing this. There are some people wondering why I am getting baptized at all, and there are some people wondering why I am getting baptized again, as I was baptized as an infant. I will try to address both of those things in this post.

Why am I getting baptized at all?

I want to start with what I believe about Baptism, and what I believe the Bible says about Baptism. Well, I believe that Baptism is what the Bible says it is. That was easy. Now, for what I believe the Bible says about Baptism.

First, a preface to what I believe about baptism:
I believe that God created us to be in a perfect relationship with Him because of His deep love for us. That is why when He created Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden, there was no sin. Everything was as God intended and they walked with God. They literally walked with God. Wow. But we are humans, and humans are not perfect. Beginning with the first sin in the Garden, humans have continually broken the perfect relationship we had with God. We are sinful people. A good majority of the time, we do what we want, and not what God wants. We choose our selfish desires over the desires of  a Holy God that knows everything. Due to this sin that is evident in our lives, we can't have this relationship with God; we are separated from Him. However, I also believe that God loved us so much that He decided to make a way for the relationship to be redeemed, to be made new. God sent Jesus Christ to the earth as a way to pay for our sins. Jesus was fully human and fully man, and He lived a perfect life on earth while facing all of the same temptations and trials that we experience. Jesus was killed on the cross because of our sins, suffering a horrible death and taking on the wrath of God. He died to take on the penalty for all of the times that we disobey a perfectly Holy God. But not only did He die for our sins, but on the third day, He rose again! Jesus literally rose from the dead, which not only proved His deity, but also that He had victory over sin and death. In this act (which I believe is a historic fact, not some fable), a way was created for man to have a relationship with God again. By placing our faith, and faith alone (Ephesians 2:8), in Jesus, and Jesus alone, and by turning from our old ways, we can have the incredible promises of forgiveness and an eternity in Heaven worshipping God.

That is what I believe the Bible is all about. Because I believe this and have this relationship with God, I want nothing more than to honor Him, glorify Him, and enjoy Him. I am still sinful, and I do not do this perfectly by any means. Let me repeat that: I am still sinful. I still mess up a lot and need forgiveness. But because I believe this, I believe more than anything, I need to obey God and obey what the Bible says.

With that being said, I believe that Baptism is an act of obedience that I want to follow because of my reverence of God. In Matthew 28:19, when Jesus is commissioning His disciples, He commands them to make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey the commands of God. Jesus tells them to be baptizing people and teaching them to obey, as the people they talk to believe. So since I believe, I have been commanded to be baptized by Jesus. In Acts 2:38, Peter and some other apostles are preaching to a group of people, who then believe that Jesus is the Son of God. They then ask what they should do, and Peter replies with the command that they repent and be baptized. After these people made the choice to believe, they are commanded to get baptized.  So, first off, I believe the Bible commands believers in Jesus to get baptized as an act of obedience.

I also believe that baptism is a way to publicly declare that I believe Jesus is my Savior, and to confirm that I not only believe that with every ounce of my being (despite my failures), but also that the desire of my heart is to live to glorify Him for the rest of my life. In the words of the church that I am doing the baptism with (Evanston Bible Fellowship), baptism is "an outward confession of an inward salvation that has occurred through belief in the Lord Jesus." Since I believe I have salvation through my belief in Jesus, I want to obey God through this act of outward confession.

Now, to address the second question:

Why am I getting baptized again?


I was baptized as an infant, but I believe that it is more Biblical to get baptized as an adult, after it is clear that the person is truly a believer in Jesus Christ. I ask that you keep in mind why I'm getting baptized at all as you are reading this, as there may by a little bit of overlap.

In every baptism in the Bible, it occurs when the person is at an age where they can make the decision on their own. Since I think that the Bible is the best model to use when determining how to go about these things, I want to obey this command now that I've reached that age as well. I think that Jesus' baptism is very insightful into the process of getting baptized. It can be found in Matthew 3:13-17, where Jesus gets baptized as an adult.

In relation to baptisms happening when people reach an age of accountability, I also want to do it again out of my own choosing. As a child, I had no say in being baptized. Then again in 8th grade, I went through confirmation of my baptism. However, there was a lot of pressure to do it and it still wasn't necessarily out of my own choice. I am extremely grateful for my parents and I love them a lot, and I think they did a great job raising me, but ultimately I don't feel like these things were my choices.

Even looking back at those times in my life, there were not really signs that I was truly a Christian. My faith was not in Christ. My faith was in myself. I put my worth in my grades, my academic achievements, and how many friends I had. I tried to do this all in my own power and strength. There was no reliance on Christ. However, midway through high school, as I learned about what the Bible said, I began to live for the glory of Christ as I experienced His grace, love, and mercy. I began to really think about what I believe, and I made the choice to follow Christ with my life. It was not because of pressure, but because I came to the conclusion on my own that it was true. Since I have really taken ownership of my faith, I want to follow the Biblical model and get baptized now that I have chosen to repent and believe that Jesus is God.

What I am not doing.


I am not getting baptized into a denomination of Christianity.

I am not doing this to earn salvation. I believe that I already have it through my faith in Jesus, not because I earned it or deserve it.

I am not trying to get gifts or money. I know that for infant baptisms there are sometimes gifts given, but that is not at all what I'm doing. I don't want that at all. I won't accept any.

Conclusion.


I love Jesus with all my heart (or at least this is my life's desire). He has overcome the grave and gives me hope, strength, and peace. All I can do is attempt to glorify Him through all I do and obey Him. Not  out of obligation or guilt, but out of an overflowing from my heart of the joy that I have experienced knowing God in my relationship with Him. I would love to have you come celebrate this step in my life! Please let me know if you have any questions about this. I want to be as open and honest about this as possible, so comment, e-mail, call, or message me on Facebook if you are still confused or are not pleased or are happy! Thanks so much for reading this, I know it was long :)

More Than Mediocrity

Growing up, I feel like my attitude towards life was something along the lines of, "If you don't get caught, you won't get in trouble." Now, most people would jump to the conclusion that I was a troublemaker in school or that my group of friends was shady. It makes sense, a lot of people with that mentality choose to be stealthy in their rebellion against authorities and do everything in their control to not get caught. For me, though, the reaction was the complete opposite. In my mind, the best way to not get caught, and thus not get in trouble, was to not do said misbehavior at all. I guess it was a mentality more along the lines of "If you don't do it, you won't get in trouble."

This is a mentality that, unfortunately, has stuck with me to this day. And in many ways, it impacts my view of God. Because God is an authority figure, I jump to the conclusion that if I avoid doing bad things, I won't be punished. If I don't sin, or conquer some of the big sins in my life, God will be pleased with me. This can become the focus of what I am living for: avoiding doing bad things. And in doing so, I overlook good fruits that I can bear through the power of the Holy Spirit. Sin is horrible, and it is essential to flee from it, but this attitude leads to a horrible view of God.

When God renews our soul and makes us into a new creation, He calls us to a life where we are to glorify Him with all that we are. He doesn't call us to a life where we simply avoid sin. That is not enough. That is a mediocre way to live life. And it is something that I find myself doing far too often. My focus is so much on avoiding sin that I ignore opportunities to do good. This does not please God. My attempts to please God by avoiding bad actually have the opposite affect.

James writes that "Anyone, then, who knows the good he ought to do and doesn't do it, sins." (James 4:17) It does not please God because that kind of attitude is sin. I have had a glimpse of God's grace and have been forgiven by his mercy. I know the gospel and understand it. I know many of the things that God calls me to do. I know how he hates injustice and evil, and how we wants His Name to be spread to every corner of the Earth. And I still get caught up in thinking that God only cares about the sin in my life.

It's so hard to just change your view of God. I wish there was a switch in my head where I could just switch my attitude toward pleasing Him and be done with it. But there isn't. Dang.

So I must continue to remind myself of the life that God calls me to live. This life is not about me. It is not about how good I look in front of God. It is not about how good I look in front of others. It is about surrendering it all to the Lord of the universe. Surrendering the entirety of my life to the one who created it all. When I live apprehensively, hoping to skate by with simply avoiding sin, I am picking and choosing parts of my life to surrender. That is not surrendering; that is not submission. Jesus calls for his followers to adopt the most radical abandonment of their selves: "If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me. For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me will save it." (Luke 9:23-24) This task sure seems overbearing, but that is why we have been given the Holy Spirit. It is through Him that we can be producing good fruit for God and living the lives we are called to. He will make straight our paths if we trust the Lord with all our heart (Proverbs 3:5-6). He will continue to sanctify us.

We were not created to wallow in the mediocrity of half-hearted surrender. Can surrender even be half-hearted? The word alone implies giving up everything. We are called to so much more than mediocrity. But this is something I am horrible at remembering. I want control. I was successful at staying out of trouble growing up, and I want to continue being successful. It's easy for me to focus only on myself and think that I am accomplishing a lot. It is a lot harder to take the words of Jesus seriously and live my life like that. But it is possible, because our God is able. And He is so worth it.

Pondering

A question that I was thinking about today, to which I don't really have an answer: What is the point where our emotions go from just being humans that have feelings to being sin? I'm thinking specifically of sorrow and anger, but I think the question applies for other emotions too.

Sorrow: Sorrow is obviously a natural reaction to many things. I don't think that it is wrong at all to feel sorrow, in fact I think it is very healthy at times. But is there a point when sorrow becomes sin because it is being caused by worry and we are no longer trusting in God?

Anger: Anger seems a little trickier to me. I think that there is righteous anger clearly in the Bible. But is it even possible for humans to have righteous anger? Is is ok then to feel anger? Or is anger always a sin to feel?

Just some thoughts and questions. If you have insights, feel free to comment.

What a Warrior

Start the video at 4:21. Watch until 6:49. Josh Hamilton is a baseball player on the Texas Rangers. He has gone through so many battles with alcohol and drugs in his life, yet his desire to pursue the Lord is so admirable. I was so saddened hearing about his relapse during the winter, but this is a man that understands what God's grace looks like, as can be seen by his treatment of the fans. It would be so easy for him to run away from everything he has been given, but he keeps fighting. And because of that, he gets a platform on ESPN to show people how radical Jesus' love was. Wow. What a warrior.

God, You are faithful

Never once did You leave us on our own
You are faithful
God, You are faithful

Blind Spots

"We all have blind spots - areas of our lives that need to be uncovered so we can see correctly and adjust our lives accordingly. But they are hard to identify. Others can often see them in us, and we rely on friends to point them out. But the reality is, even then we have a hard time recognizing them. We don't want to admit they exist...often until it's too late. We discover them in hindsight, but we struggle to see them in the present."
-David Platt, Radical

Then The Change Occurs

"At one time we too were foolish, disobedient, deceived and enslaved by all kinds of passions and pleasures. We lived in malice and envy, being hated and hating one another. But when the kindness and love of God our Savior appeared, he saved us, not because of righteous things we had done, but because of his mercy. He saved us through the washing of rebirth and renewal by the Holy Spirit, ⁶ whom he poured out on us generously through Jesus Christ our Savior, so that, having been justified by his grace, we might become heirs having the hope of eternal life." Titus 3:3-7


The thing that came up the most frequently for me during the I Agree With Markwell outreach was that people were creating a good/bad divide between Christians and non-Christians. People would say that we are accusing them of being bad, while somehow being a Christian made us good, and thus better than them and going to heaven. It was frustrating for me because so many of the things that we put out there for people to see had to do with how being good isn't good enough. Christianity is not about being bad or good at all. You can be a non-Christian who is moral and be seen by most as "good." 


In this passage, I think it becomes crystal clear that it is not about being good. There was a time when believers were certainly choosing to rebel from God and living in our sin; we were "foolish, disobedient, deceived, and enslaved." But then the change occurs. And the change isn't that we become good. And the change doesn't happen because we are good: "not because of righteous things we had done, but because of his mercy." The change that occurs is one from condemned to forgiven. We are still in a state where we sin and are broken, but we have experienced the salvation offered through Jesus and now we are forgiven! This salvation is not about anything we have done. This salvation is not about the the things that we do now that we are saved. This salvation is about a perfect God offering us grace that is deeper than the depths of the ocean.


This really is a beautiful thing. That we have been renewed by the Holy Spirit without any reason to deserve it.


But this isn't about us. God loves us and created us to spend eternity with Him. But ultimately, He saved us because it brings Him glory. But this is awesome! Because if God saved us to bring us glory, yet claimed to be deserving of all praise, I would be worried. I don't think I would want to serve that God. I'll close with a quote from David Platt in his book, Radical:


"The message of biblical Christianity is 'God loves me so that I might make him - his ways, his salvation, his glory, and his greatness - known among all nations.' Now God is the object of our faith, and Christianity centers around him. We are not the end of the gospel; God is.


"God centers on himself, even in our salvation. Remember his words in Ezekiel: he saves us, not for our sake, but for the sake of his holy name. We have received salvation so that his name will be proclaimed in all nations. God loves us for his sake in the world."

I keep part of myself closed in. I think we all do to some extent. Sometimes it may not even be intentional. Does anyone on this earth really know all of me? Will anyone on this earth ever know all of me? Like, really know me. I don't think so, but I think that building towards authentic fellowship means revealing who we really are. The ugliness of our innermost being. Because it is not from others that we are affirmed. We are not competent because of the few good things we do. Those don't make us competent because we all have an ugliness to our innermost being. Most of the good things, if not all, are probably done with selfish motivations anyway. That's why we are broken. We are literally sinful to the core. Yet as we grow with each other and reveal to each other our sinfulness, it feels more free to fight it back. I no longer feel entrenched in a battle of one-on-many, but I feel like I am fighting off sin with an army.

We all have an ugliness to our innermost being. We all want to keep it hidden. What would it look like if we stopped being ashamed and started being authentic?

"So do not be ashamed to testify about our Lord, or ashamed of me his prisoner. But join with me in suffering for the gospel, by the power of God, who has saved us and called us to a holy life - not because of anything we have done but because of his own purpose and grace. This grace was given us in Christ Jesus before the beginning of time, but it has now been revealed through the appearing of our Saviour, Christ Jesus, who has destroyed death and has brought life and immortality to light through the gospel." 2 Timothy 1:8-10

Wow. What powerful words.

A War Worth Fighting

I read a blog post yesterday talking about how we are on the front lines of a spiritual war, fighting for the honor and glory of the Almighty King of Heaven and Earth, and I can't keep these thoughts out of my head.

A theme in my life has been avoiding comfort. I'm the kind of person that does a lot of worrying when I am uncomfortable or when I am in an unfamiliar setting, so my natural tendency is to run to comfort. I have blogged about this in the past, and certainly have recognized it in my life. When I am comfortable, laziness and apathy invade my life and convince me that there is no need to take action. This past week in Panama City Beach on Big Break, it was refreshingly uncomfortable. Another reminder that the comfortable things in my life are not going to lead me to taking steps of faith in reliance on God. Comfortable things will only lead me to take steps in my own power that I can control.

This leads me again back to spiritual warfare. When we realize that spiritual warfare is real, and that we are fighting on the front lines of the good fight, it is then that we are able to realize everything else pales in comparison. There is an enemy out there, and he is trying to convince us that people don't want to hear what we have to say and that we should just sit around and do nothing. We need to be actively fighting this, in God's power, to help rid our lives of apathy, laziness, and other sins that are holding us back. Comfort is one way that I often get taken out of the battle, and as I realize the severity and reality of spiritual warfare, others' opinions of me suddenly aren't as important. As I realize that there is a much bigger picture to this life and that we are in the middle of it, many of the little things in my own life reveal their insignificance.

Let's boldly and courageously fight those little battles in our life, using the spirit of power, love, and self-control that God has given us, so that we can continue fighting the War for God's Kingdom.