I wrote last week about my struggles against the idol of acceptance here in Ocean City. I talked about how frustrating it is to know that I am accepted by God, but not truly believe it in my heart. But in the past couple of days, I realized that I was looking at it completely wrong.
First, I just want to say thank you for all of the encouragement I received. Honestly, I needed it and it really did give me more confidence to step out of my comfort zone and risk looking like a fool in order to get to know more people on a deeper level. And yes, as I've now been here over a week (cray cray, I know), I have been able to get to know some guys on a much deeper level. It has been a huge blessing.
But I want to go back to the incorrect ways I was looking at my idolization of acceptance.
Before, I was trying to tell myself that God accepted me. I was trying to remind myself of this fact, repeating it over and over in my thoughts and prayers. And God really did show up and give me peace and comfort. I'm grateful for His love and faithfulness. But this wasn't really lasting more than a couple hours or maybe a day. As I wrote before, it was going to be a process. But I was essentially trying to believe harder. I told myself that if I kept saying this, eventually a switch would flip, and I would go from unbelief to belief. If I believed hard enough, eventually I would reach the breaking point and come to terms with the truth.
I think this is why I knew these truths but didn't believe them. I was trying too hard. I ran to the cross for temporary relief from the emotions that were overwhelming me, but when it came to actually believing the truth, I tried to do it on my own.
But God doesn't want us to surrender parts of our thoughts to Him. He wants all of us:
"Trust in the Lord with all your heart
and lean not on your own understanding;
in all your ways submit to him,
and he will make your paths straight."
Proverbs 3:5-6
It says "all your heart" and "all your ways." It means it.
So I changed the way I view this idol of acceptance in my life. I view it through the truths of the gospel. And instead of believing harder, I see the beauty of Jesus dying on the cross and I have already seen my heart begin to change. At the moment I came to know the Lord, I was clothed in the righteousness of Jesus. I became a child of God; son to a Father that loves us unconditionally and accepts us. When he looks at us, He sees Jesus, and He says, "You are my Son, whom I love; with you I am well pleased." I was freed from the burden of trying to earn others acceptance because I have overflowing love and acceptance from my Heavenly Father.
A switch was not magically flipped in my heart. I continue to struggle with this issue. But I am not going to change my heart and my thought patterns by trying harder. I am going to do it by returning to the truth of the gospel, what is true of followers of Christ, and diving deeper into the meaning of the bloody death of my Savior. I am being sanctified, and as I trust God with all my heart and submit all my ways to Him, He will make my paths straight. He will change my heart.
I think this applies to every idol we have in our lives. And we certainly all have them. Stop trying to change what you think out of your own effort. It's not about doing anything. It's about surrender.
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