Frolicking in the Mystery

I'm not sure where, but somewhere along the line, I got the idea that surrendering my life, and specifically my future, to God meant putting up with a life without happiness.

It has made me afraid to give everything over to Him. I'm afraid that the minute I surrender to God is the minute that I accept a life that I hate, a life that sticks me in the middle of doing something that I don't enjoy. There might still exist the underlying joy that Christ brings, I'm not talking about joy. And I'm not talking about having horrible things happen to me. I'm more talking about everyday life, the ins and outs of "mundane" happenings. And overall, I won't be happy, I won't be doing things that I am passionate about, I won't be using my strengths, and I will be generally dissatisfied. I'm worried that I'll feel stuck in what I'm doing because I am surrendering to God.

But I'm starting to convince myself more and more that this is not the case.

I'm starting to believe that God uniquely gifted every person with different strengths and passions for a reason. He has brought to light different things for different people that bring us joy and give us life. I'm beginning to experience the freedom in exploring what I am passionate about and what gives me life, and I am becoming enlightened to the fact that this is not mutually exclusive to surrendering everything in my life with God. I can do something with my life that I find personally fulfilling and still be surrendering to God.

This might go without saying, but I want to acknowledge the obvious fact that there is discernment involved in this still. There is very much a fleshly desire to only do what we want. That has to be identified, repented of, and cut out of our lives. A desire to do something, alone, is not at all a reason to do something.

I used to feel stuck in a box. If I surrender to God, he is going to make me do something that I don't like because it will force me trust Him more. I will have to endure the unhappiness and dissatisfaction because of how it will draw me closer to God. There is certainly a ton of truth to the fact that hardships can bring you closer to God, but I don't think that God is trying to box us in a corner and make us miserable so that we will trust him more.

I see this as being different than the suffering that is talked about in the Bible. I believe that it is possible to be doing something that you enjoy, something that plays into your strengths, and is aligned with your passions and still suffer. I won't go on a tangent, but Biblical suffering isn't what I'm talking about.

Listening to a John Piper sermon the other day, one line in particular made me realize how much freedom there is as a follower of Christ. The sermon had a lot to say on the future and how we think about it. Towards the end, he light-heartedly jokes that some new people might leave the service hanging their heads, complaining that Christians only talk about heavy things. But according to Piper, this is not the case at all! "We are frolicking in the mystery!" He proclaimed it so excitedly, so joyfully! It brought this beautiful picture to mind of the Christian sitting in and enjoying the mystery that is God's will. There is so much freedom in that. It's beautiful

We have the freedom to frolic in the mystery. I have the freedom to frolic in the mystery.

Intellectually, I am aware that God has my good in mind. I can read Romans 8:28 and see that pretty clearly. But in my heart, I am fearful that in the scheme of life, God has me in a box, doing something that makes me anxious and something that I don't like. Because it will increase my faith. Because it will cause me to press into God. I use these awesome, fruitful end results to justify making myself do things that aren't healthy for my soul while in process.

I believe that God has uniquely gifted each and every person on Earth for a divine, appointed purpose. It wasn't a mistake that each person has different passions, hopes, and dreams. God is a beautiful storyteller, and he isn't going to stop with the stories we are telling with our own lives.

I want to understand, on a heart level, the freedom there is to surrender everything to God. I want to believe so deeply that God is good. I want to frolic in the mystery.