Matter

It's a little bit sad to me that a blog post about something I've been learning about on a heart level can get so few likes on Facebook, when I could probably share a picture of a sea otter (I love sea otters too....) and double or triple the likes. This is far from a plea for likes. I don't write for Facebook likes; I write because I enjoy expressing myself in this way. But I think it's a scary observation about our society.

I do the same thing too. I'm not trying to condemn or judge anyone. I fail to read long posts on Facebook or skip over links to blog posts because "I don't have the time" or "I'll come back to it later" or some other excuse. I miss out on a chance to learn more about someone's heart because I am looking for the metaphorical sea otter picture.

We live in a quick-hitting, fast-paced society that is only accelerating. We live in a world of ten-second Snapchats, six-second Vines, and 140-character Tweets. Is there a lost desire for knowing each other deeply, preferring to spread ourselves thin over eight different social media platforms? Is this the reason I so often think that other people have perfect lives, while highly criticizing my own? I don't know. I'm not even trying to berate social media. I like social media for the most part. This post isn't even about social media or about society. Those are just questions I wrestle with. I don't know.

Sharing a piece of my heart is a scary thing for me, especially on social media. I'm not afraid of having a small amount of likes, but what scares me is that my life can simply be lost in the shuffle. And not simply sharing a picture or a one liner, but sharing something that shares a deeper picture of who I am and who I am becoming. I'm scared that I'll find out people don't care about me as much as I think they do. Or at least hope they do.

There have been so many times where I have wanted to write but haven't. Worried that my words don't hold any weight. Not even worried that it will fall on deaf ears, but worried that it won't fall on any ears at all. Worried that insecurities about being replaceable, forgettable, or easy to reject will come true.

I've been in a season of life recently where I'm learning a lot more about myself and my own confidence. For a long time, I've been ignorant to who God has uniquely crafted me to be. Have you ever taken a step back and thought about what an amazing creator God is? He has crafted this story that we all like to call the planet Earth. He has created billions of characters in this story, with each playing a unique role in furthering the narrative. Each character in the story God is telling on Earth matters. They have their own strengths, their own gifts, their own desires, that are unique to each individual, having been beautifully and masterfully created by a perfect, caring, loving God.

I matter. My thoughts matter. My desires matter. My passions matter. They matter to me and they matter to God.

So here I am, writing a blog post because it matters. Here I am, writing not to get more likes, not to receive cheap affirmation or quick satisfaction, but writing because I'm starting to really believe that the things I have to say matter.

Am I replaceable, forgettable, and easy to reject for some? Sure. We simply don't have the capacity to deeply care about every person on this Earth. I know I don't. But that doesn't change the fact that I am a uniquely, carefully, divinely shaped individual that has words and thoughts that matter to the story God is telling on this Earth.

God invites me to be Danny in His story, and I don't want to miss this opportunity.

"Sometimes the story we're telling the world isn't half as endearing as the one that lives inside us."
-Donald Miller

Frolicking in the Mystery

I'm not sure where, but somewhere along the line, I got the idea that surrendering my life, and specifically my future, to God meant putting up with a life without happiness.

It has made me afraid to give everything over to Him. I'm afraid that the minute I surrender to God is the minute that I accept a life that I hate, a life that sticks me in the middle of doing something that I don't enjoy. There might still exist the underlying joy that Christ brings, I'm not talking about joy. And I'm not talking about having horrible things happen to me. I'm more talking about everyday life, the ins and outs of "mundane" happenings. And overall, I won't be happy, I won't be doing things that I am passionate about, I won't be using my strengths, and I will be generally dissatisfied. I'm worried that I'll feel stuck in what I'm doing because I am surrendering to God.

But I'm starting to convince myself more and more that this is not the case.

I'm starting to believe that God uniquely gifted every person with different strengths and passions for a reason. He has brought to light different things for different people that bring us joy and give us life. I'm beginning to experience the freedom in exploring what I am passionate about and what gives me life, and I am becoming enlightened to the fact that this is not mutually exclusive to surrendering everything in my life with God. I can do something with my life that I find personally fulfilling and still be surrendering to God.

This might go without saying, but I want to acknowledge the obvious fact that there is discernment involved in this still. There is very much a fleshly desire to only do what we want. That has to be identified, repented of, and cut out of our lives. A desire to do something, alone, is not at all a reason to do something.

I used to feel stuck in a box. If I surrender to God, he is going to make me do something that I don't like because it will force me trust Him more. I will have to endure the unhappiness and dissatisfaction because of how it will draw me closer to God. There is certainly a ton of truth to the fact that hardships can bring you closer to God, but I don't think that God is trying to box us in a corner and make us miserable so that we will trust him more.

I see this as being different than the suffering that is talked about in the Bible. I believe that it is possible to be doing something that you enjoy, something that plays into your strengths, and is aligned with your passions and still suffer. I won't go on a tangent, but Biblical suffering isn't what I'm talking about.

Listening to a John Piper sermon the other day, one line in particular made me realize how much freedom there is as a follower of Christ. The sermon had a lot to say on the future and how we think about it. Towards the end, he light-heartedly jokes that some new people might leave the service hanging their heads, complaining that Christians only talk about heavy things. But according to Piper, this is not the case at all! "We are frolicking in the mystery!" He proclaimed it so excitedly, so joyfully! It brought this beautiful picture to mind of the Christian sitting in and enjoying the mystery that is God's will. There is so much freedom in that. It's beautiful

We have the freedom to frolic in the mystery. I have the freedom to frolic in the mystery.

Intellectually, I am aware that God has my good in mind. I can read Romans 8:28 and see that pretty clearly. But in my heart, I am fearful that in the scheme of life, God has me in a box, doing something that makes me anxious and something that I don't like. Because it will increase my faith. Because it will cause me to press into God. I use these awesome, fruitful end results to justify making myself do things that aren't healthy for my soul while in process.

I believe that God has uniquely gifted each and every person on Earth for a divine, appointed purpose. It wasn't a mistake that each person has different passions, hopes, and dreams. God is a beautiful storyteller, and he isn't going to stop with the stories we are telling with our own lives.

I want to understand, on a heart level, the freedom there is to surrender everything to God. I want to believe so deeply that God is good. I want to frolic in the mystery.

Story

My roommate, Nolan, and I started this thing called Pancakes and Stories at the beginning of the school year. Every week we invited a group of people over to our apartment for a pancake feast and medley of stories. We did this nearly every Saturday morning for the entire Fall Quarter. Pretty much every week we invited a different group of people who brought different stories and unique experiences to share, and we prompted them with questions to invite vulnerability and authenticity.

What is your favorite memory with your parents?

What was the event in high school that had the most significant impact on you?

When was a hard time in your life?

Pancakes and Stories started as an idea Nolan and I had over Skype during the summer. I was enamored with the ideas of "story" and "narrative", realizing that so many people have these experiences that have greatly shaped who they are. Some people have been waiting to share them with others. Some people have been reluctant to give a glimpse into that part of their life. Either way, we wanted to invite people to be more fully known.

The stories we heard were beautiful, and they were written by a Creator who wants to be intimately involved in our lives. Our hope was that Pancakes and Stories would be a way we could allow people to invite others into their personal narratives. We wanted to know people better, to know how their narratives have been shaped, and be able to walk through some of the highs and lows of our memories together. It was a really sweet time of fellowship that I am extremely grateful for. 

Pancakes and Stories was just the pinnacle of my interest in the idea of a story, though. Since high school, I have found this concept intriguing. Donald Miller wrote a book called A Million Miles in a Thousand Years that talks about living our lives as if they are a story. I've read it twice, and I would recommend it. He defines story as a character who wants something and overcomes conflict to get it. Pretty vague, but applicable to every story ever written. It got me thinking about what the character in my story (myself) wants and what conflict I will have to overcome to get it. It also got me thinking about the bigger narrative that we are a part of. My story is not an independent entity solely shaped by my desires, but I am a part of the story that God is currently writing. 

It's easy to become very self-centered when I think of my life as a story. What do I want? How will this affect my life? Am I willing to take on the conflict that this will likely result in? One character in the Bible who experienced quite a bit of conflict was Job. He pretty much had everything taken away from him. If there are any things in your life that mean something to you, imagine losing all of it. Now, this is kind of Job's situation. Not easy. Donald Miller had this to say: "Job found contentment and even joy, outside the context of comfort, health or stability. He understood the story was not about him, and he cared more about the story then he did about himself." Job struggled with God, definitely, but he was able to realize the greater narrative. The narrative God is writing is not about us, it is about His glory. But He is a loving God that chose to write a story of redemption that involves unworthy people like you and me. 

With this being Christmas time, I can't help but reflect on how the birth of Jesus fits into the narrative that God is writing. Immanuel means "God with us" and that is exactly what happened when Christ was born. God came down to be with us and become involved in our stories. God intimately and intentionally chose to weave himself into the narratives we are trying to write for ourselves. As I celebrate this season, I fight the temptation to be convinced that Christmas is about fuzzy feelings, presents, and delicious cookies (though I do love those things). I want this season to be one where I can celebrate with joy the fact that God became involved in the life of a wretched sinner (myself) and died on the cross so that I could experience His forgiveness and presence. I want my life to be about bringing glory to my Savior, who has never left me nor forsaken me despite my continuous rebellion from Him. 

Repeat the Sounding Joy! Jesus is born! He invites us to be involved in his grand narrative! He wants us to know Him personally! Repeat the Sounding Joy!

Every Effort

(Wow, it's been a while since my last post.)

My job at the funeral home entails quite a bit of cleaning. While it has never been my favorite thing, I've grown to appreciate the satisfaction of seeing real, tangible change. A dusty shelf becoming clean. Immediate results. My tasks include vacuuming, dusting, and wiping down every object in the washroom, but none is more daunting than washing cars during the winter. As I walk into the garage, I no longer see the blue mini van that usually sits there, but instead, rests a faded white remnant, encrusted in salt, ice, and road grime. However, it is my job to make sure that the van is spotless, returned to it's original state and all of its navy blue glory. As I begin the task, I take careful steps to make sure that every inch of the car has been soaked with water, scrubbed with soap, rinsed, and dried. I want to please my boss, so I take care to check a second time to make sure that I didn't leave any spot blemished. Success. Unfortunately, tomorrow is a new day with a new layer of salt poured on the roads.

If only I spent the same amount of time, energy, and effort in my own life, to present myself spotless to God!

"So then, dear friends, since you are looking forward to this, make every effort to be found spotless, blameless, and at peace with him." 2 Peter 3:14

The minute I read this verse earlier today, I felt convicted. Make every effort to be found spotless. Every effort. To state the obvious, this is not a call to check in once a day and see how well our fight with sin has been. This is a call to do everything we possibly can in order to be without sin and at peace with God. 

My own life seems wrought with sin at times. Probably because it is. I am a hypocrite. Of course, I'm not alone in this, as we all are hypocritical to some extent, but sometimes it seems to be exponentially worse in my own life. I proclaim that I care about people and want to see the end of injustice, inequality, poverty, and violence in this world, but I never actually take any steps to see that happen, besides signing the occasional online petition or sharing a link on Facebook to alert everyone of how much I care. I tell people that we are saved through our faith in Jesus and his death on the cross, but I struggle to shake the performance mentality that prevents me from fully grasping the grace that God has freely given to me. I would say in a heartbeat that I desire to tell people about the gospel so that they can experience the joy of a relationship with God, but I often cower in fear of what others will think about me, shying away from what I have come to believe is the only source of truth and life. 

If I am willing to go the extra mile to present the van as spotless for my earthly boss at the funeral home, how much more effort should I put forth in presenting myself spotless to the one who holds eternity in his hands? Now, of course, I believe that I am already seen as righteous, clean, and without blemish in Jesus. In putting forth effort to be spotless, I will never succeed in getting rid of all of the sin in my life. The righteousness I will need for salvation can only come from the Passover lamb who willingly died on the cross so that I could stand in the presence of God. But in my love and servitude to God, I still want to do what He commands, no matter how imperfectly I may do it. 

God says to seek justice (Isaiah 1:17). God says he is faithful to forgive confessed sins (1 John 1:9). Jesus says to go and make disciples of all nations (Matthew 28). To go against the will of God is sin, so according to Peter, I should be making every effort to seek justice, rest in God's faithfulness, and make disciples of all nations. 

I can see so much sin in my life, yet there are times when passive indifference is the most attractive approach.  Peter, however, does not leave this as a feasible option. He calls Christians to make every effort to fight the sin in our lives so that we can present ourselves as spotless before God. This is not about performing routine checkups. This is about waging a constant, committed war against the many ways in which the enemy entices us. 

I am thankful for God's grace, that I do not need to rely on my own effort for salvation. I am a hypocrite. I will forget about this post later tonight, tomorrow, and the day after. I won't spend every effort trying to remain spotless. But my prayer is that in His goodness, God will grant me a continued desire to extend every effort in the fight against sin in my life. 

Enjoy

As I walk down the street, the sun is shining and the snow is melting.
It is a beautiful day.
Sin is heavy on my heart, though. Its deceit rearing its head.
I am happy. I am satisfied with the day, the weather.
However, something much deeper lingers within me, and I cannot enjoy it.
Sin grieves my soul, sucking the joy out of me.
As I stare at the sun through the trees, I am unable to enjoy the beauty.
But my enlightenment to this lack of joy brings me back to truth.
I have a God who gives me the freedom to no longer wallow in sin.
A God who gives me the freedom to feel forgiven.
A God who gives me the freedom to be fulfilled.
A God who gives me the freedom to be joyful.
Freedom to enjoy Him.
Despite my rebellious heart, despite my selfish ways, God is unchanging.
He is merciful.
He is just.
He is holy.
He is righteous.
He is faithful.
He is sovereign.
He is gracious.
He is love.
And He has given me the freedom to enjoy Him.

"Enter his gates with Thanksgiving
  and his courts with praise;
  give thanks to him and praise his name.
 For the Lord is good and his love endures forever;
  his faithfulness continues through all generations."
-Psalm 100:4-5

The Power of Words

I'm not one to swear much. In fact, I hardly ever swear, and when I do it's typically muttered under my breath. I grew up learning that some words were bad and should never be said. But this blog post isn't about swearing.

I recently watched a video (at the bottom of the post) where Paul Tripp was talking about what makes bad language bad. And what started as an explanation of why a certain swear word in particular is not always unwholesome language, it convicted me in other ways that I use language.

I don't swear (a lot). I don't use culturally "dirty" language. But I do speak unwholesome talk far too often. I mask my "clean" vocabulary with sarcasm, with biting comments that are not always ill-intended but wound others more often than I'd like. I try to use humor to make people laugh, but there are times when I am simply exposing flaws in others and putting them down. The vast majority of the time, I don't intentionally use my words to bring others down, but I let my tongue slip in a way that communicates that I care more about being funny/looking good/impressing others than I do about loving others well.

How should we communicate then? Let's look at what the Bible says about that:

"Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen." -Ephesians 4:29

"Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how to answer everyone." -Colossians 4:6

Our words are just another way that we should be pointing people to Christ. I look at these verses and I think of how often I screw this up, and I also notice how strongly these are worded. "Do not let ANY unwholesome talk..." "ALWAYS FULL of grace" This is a zero tolerance command.

I love the way that Paul Tripp puts it: "The Bible says that wholesome communication is intended to give grace to the hearer...I'm called to love you like Christ loved me. What is that love? It's easily defined: It's willing self-sacrifice for the redemptive good of another."

My words are not a way for me to lift up and glorify myself. They are a way to glorify Christ and show others the grace He has shown me. Sometimes, that requires self-sacrifice: holding back a joke that will make fun of others or resisting to make a sarcastic comment when I'm not happy about something.

I want to love others well. I want to be encouraging in my conversations. I want to only say what is helpful for building others up. I want to point others to the God that has forgiven me of all my sins. I invite you to join me.

Daniel

The book of Daniel in the Bible is quickly becoming one of my favorites. And not because it shares my name (which I do happen to like). What I am consistently being struck by as I read through this book is how much faith Daniel has. Not only does Daniel have faith in God to do incredible things through him, but along the path he is constantly talking about how broken he is.

Now, I know that lots of Bible characters have a lot of faith. There are countless people over the years that have had to trust in the promises of God only to watch him fully provide. But Daniel chooses to say no to the temptations of the world in favor of the promises of his Lord. In interpreting dreams, he has faith that God will reveal the true meanings to him. In disobeying the king and continuing to pray to God, he has faith that he is serving the true King. In being thrown into the Lions Den, he has faith that God will protect him. This is not even to mention the faith of Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego, who had faith that God would help them survive being thrown into a furnace. Underlying their faith in these specific aspects of God's character is a faith that God is real, that He is alive, that He is moving, and that He loves them deeply.

Now, I'm not going to lie, if these things happened to me, I would have a hard time controlling my ego. The moment I walked out of the lions den unscathed, part of me would be thinking, "All of these people are pretty impressed with me. I like it." I would have a temptation to tell myself that I am great and try and steal glory from God.

But this is what really intrigues me about Daniel. He seems to have the exact opposite reaction that I envision myself having. His prayer in chapter 9 is as humble as humble gets. He reveals a heart that is so aware of the fact that he has been redeemed without reason. He has been forgiven by a merciful God :

"The Lord our God is merciful and forgiving, even though we have rebelled against him; we have not obeyed the Lord our God or kept the laws he gave us through his servants the prophets. All Israel has transgressed your law and turned away, refusing to obey you." Verse 9-11

"We do not make requests of you because we are righteous, but because of your great mercy." Verse 18

Sometimes my view of God is so small and my view of my self is gigantic. I know that God is real and that a perfectly merciful and just God has forgiven me. I know that He sent Jesus to bear every sin I have ever committed on the cross so that there would be a way that I could be in a relationship with him.

But I still have such little faith. At times, my heart has a hard time grasping what my head knows so certainly. I rely on my own power. And when I succeed, my prayer is rarely that of Daniel's. Sure, when I mess up that is my prayer, but almost never when I am successful.

I want Daniel's faith. I want to be unafraid when I walk into a lions den because I know that my God is fully sovereign. I want Daniel's prayer to be true of my heart all the time. I want to be in constant recognition that I have rebelled against God and it is only because of his mercy that I can even approach Him in prayer.

I am so thankful that God knows me fully, that he knows I lack faith at times and am prideful at times. I am so thankful that he can see my brokenness in its fullness. And He still loves me. I am so thankful.