The Story of It All

As I sat in the conference room at Hope College this Saturday morning, I couldn't help but look around and wonder what everyone in the room was like. What did they do back home? What are they like? I was almost making up stories for each person in my head. While many of these tended to be fairly judgemental, mainly based on their appearance or where they were from, that is besides the point of this blog entry. It got me a little excited for college, an experience that I continually find myself not looking forward to, excited for learning new stories and meeting different people. Excited to hear beautiful stories, whether they be good or bad, stories that have touched lives and stories that have broken hearts. As I looked around that afternoon and made up stories for different people, I forgot that each person there had a real story.

As I forgot the fact that many of those people had beautiful stories, stories where God had played some role in their life (whether they knew it or not), I couldn't help but think of how many peoples' stories get forgotten. Stories that get ignored, heard and then swept under the carpet, or tuned out. Some of these stories may be ugly, yet at the same time, more beautiful than any novel or poem we may read in English class.

The oppressed, the hungry, the abandoned, the lost, the hurt, the sick, the thirsty. All of their stories seem to be forgotten, more noticeably so around Christmas time, a time of giving and caring that can turn into a time dominated by stress and presents. A time when Jesus came to this Earth, became human on this Earth to be with the exact same people that get forgotten. A time where we can lose sight of what's important and forget why we are actually celebrating Christmas. At least it is easy for me to.

You see, at Christmas time, we are celebrating the most beautiful story of them all: The birth of Jesus Christ as a living, breathing, relational human being. A story that witnessed Jesus show his immense love and everlasting grace and redemption to the lepers, the blind, the rejected, and the forgotten.

So this Christmas season, let us not forget the beautiful stories that are out there, stories of people that need help and need love. For we have the ability to make an impact of significance, an impact that could save a life, and more importantly, change the world.

I've been thinking a good amount about fears and how my life is really inundated with it. It feels like every minute of every day there is something that I am afraid of. Whether it be rejection, being exposed, failure, or any other of a plethora of fears that I feel, it is beginning to appear to me how much my fears really can dominate my thoughts, affect my actions, and take over my life.

Sometimes its hard to nail down exactly what I am afraid of in a certain instant. It might be my future and losing everything that I have now. It might be as simple as being afraid to raise my hand during school. All I can say is this: Fear is shaping my life, and I don't like what it is doing.

It makes it so hard to be bold, to express what I am actually feeling. It makes it so hard to truly love others. It makes it so hard to follow Christ with all my heart and all my soul. It makes it hard to believe that I can fear not with Jesus Christ.

Right now, It's hard to know what to do with all of this fear that is bottled up inside of me. I know that I can't do it without the help of God, but it is so hard to overcome these fears and really put my trust in Him.

While it is hard to see a day where there is no fear in my life, I will continue to pray and try and put my trust in God to take care of all my fears. What's a good story without any conflict anyway?

"As the Father has loved me, so have I loved you. Now remain in my love."

- John 15:9

Remain in my love. Abide in my love. Make yourself at home in my love. We needn't find comfort in the acceptance of others. When we make ourselves at home in God's love, it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks; nothing is outside of our comfort zone.

Now is the hard part: living out these words.

The one and only, Don Miller

"But what we really need is God. What we really need is somebody who loves us so much we don't worry about death, about our hair thinning, about other drivers pulling in front of us on the road, about whether people are poor or rich, good-looking or ugly, about whether we feel lonely or about whether or not we are wearing clothes. We need this; we need this so we can love other people purely and not for selfish gain, we need this so we can see everybody as equals, we need this so our relationships can be sincere, we need this so we can stop kicking ourselves around, we need this so we can lose all self-awareness and find ourselves for the first time, not by realizing some dream, but by being told who we are by the only Being who has the authority to know, by that I mean the creator" (110). -Donald Miller aka Donny Millz from his book Searching For God Knows What

(Yes, I typed that whole thing) (and yes that is proper mla citation)(and yes I'm seeing him speak on Friday)(and yes its gonna be awesome!)(and yes I had to make these all in separate parentheses)(and yes hes really cool)(and yes you should read his books)

It's amazing to think of how many things we do out of the craving of acceptance of others, the need to feel the love and appreciation of others. Luckily, no matter how many times we fail, no matter how many times we fall, no matter how many times we stumble, God will always love us, will always accept us. We listen to others words, taking satisfaction and gratitude out of them, but we will never be satisfied without the quenching, satisfying nature of God's love for us. We need this, and without it, we are empty.

System Overload

It seems like I have been hearing alot of talk over the past couple of months about leaving Hinsdale and getting out of this system. Everytime I hear it, I can't help but agree. It always reminds me of this girl in my Consumer Economics class last year. On this particular day, the seniors in the class (I was a junior at the time) were going around saying their plans for the future. One guy was going into the Army, one was going to Wisconsin, but the one that struck me was a girl that was going to Vanderbilt. She planned to go to Vanderbilt for 4 years, graduate, and come right back home and start working for her dad. Then she was eventually going to take over the business.

I'm not trying to say that she had a bad plan for the future, but she had the entire rest of her life mapped out. She knew exactly what she was going to do and when it was going to happen, and it just seemed so systematic, like she was in a dryer going around and around and around. I just don't see the fun in that. She is going to be living essentially the same life her entire life. Where's the adventure in that? Where's the living part of life?

It seems like so many times we take for granted what we have and fail to see bigger and better things in our future. We are are comfortable with what we have, we feel satisfied and successful. We do not see the potential we have to really make a difference in the world.

Sometimes, when I think about my future, I get scared. I just don't know where God is going to take me and, at times, that is really scary to me. However, I know that no matter what I go through, God is going to be there by my side, through the ups and downs, the storms and the calms. While I am kind of a polar opposite of my consumer economic classmate, I know that I need not be afraid. I don't need to be afraid to fail. I don't need to be afraid to take a leap of faith into the unknown. I don't need to be afraid to face my fears, to conquer them. I don't need to be afraid to make less money or go to a worse college because I know that God will provide for me in ways that are more satisfying than any other thing imaginable. God's plan for me is perfect and whether I know where that plan is taking me or not, I know that God will always be with me, and that is the most comforting thing I can think of.

So while I'm not sure where my life is headed, I'm pretty sure it is out of this town, out of this system. Out of this place where it is so hard to believe that there are better things to life than what we already have. Out of this system where the extent of kids' dreams seem to be doing what their dads' already do, this broken system where you must go to a good school and make a lot of money to succed.

May we not not take what we have for granted, and may we not be afraid to see our true and great potential that we can reach with God always walking beside us.

Carpe Fricken Diem

It seems like school has become overly repetitive for me. Class, class, class, class, lunch, class, class class. Homework, more homework, mix in a little frustration, a little boredom, and a little anxiety for the weekend and you get the perfect recipe for a pretty mediocre day. It's not very satisfying going through the motions everyday, waiting impatiently as the secondhand slowly rounds the clock minute by minute. It's draining, it's slowly eating away at me, taking away my motivation. While I feel like it may be just beginning, I need to stop it. I need to remember that each day is a chance to learn something new, to try something new, to glorify God. He is with me throughout the day, and while I do remind myself of that now, it is time that I stop reminding and start embracing. Stop telling and start acting. In the words of Brent Phillip, I need to view every day as a battle field, I need to not just make it through every day, I need to conquer everyday.

True Beauty

When the youth group went to the Grand Canyon, I couldn't help but be amazed by the magnificent beauty and staggering views that it produced. As I looked down a straight drop off, shivers sending down my spine, I was in awe of the power that the canyon gave off; it was almost humbling to see a such a large natural occurrence and realize how small we really are. As I looked across the 10 miles that the canyon spanned for the first time, I couldn't help but drop my jaw wide open. I will always remember that we were listening to Hips Don't Lie as the first glimpse of the canyon appeared through the evergreen trees.

The sheer beauty of the canyon was amazing, to say the least, yet that is not the type of beauty that I think should be appreciated, almost worshiped, as it is. While this was truly one of God's magnificent creations, it doesn't even compare to the beauty of his most divine and truly beautiful creation.

True Beauty.

True Beauty is not any natural landmark or any technological advancement for that matter. True Beauty is you and I, he and she, and him and her. It is them, those guys, and us. It is "Hey! What's Up?" and "How are you?". It is late night Facebook chats and middle of the day heart-to-heart talks. It is hanging loose and chilling out. True Beauty. That's Right, I'm talking about relationships, friends, loved ones. While they may go under appreciated and can lack the recognition of some other of God's magnificent creations, they deserve the most appreciation and the most recognition. The True Beauty of relationships is something that I can get used to appreciating.

This is the solar system in my room. I'm getting rid of it so I took a picture. It will always be in my heart.

To answer your question Bill...

For me, it's sometimes hard to remember that to have a significant impact on someone you don't necessarily need to do something huge and impressive. You don't have to save someone from a burning house or give them CPR to resuscitate them. I mean these things are amazing, but I only experience these situations like once a week so it is hard to do them everyday. So in my life, I try to find significance in the way that I act around others. I try to just respect everyone and try to reflect Jesus through my actions, really to be a light to them. While I am certainly not always right on with this, nor am I a walking worshipper through the hallways of school or the streets of Hinsdale, I think that by having a small impact on someone's life, whether it is helping someone with a homework problem, starting a conversation with a loner, or inviting someone to youth group (all things that can be really hard to do), you can certainly still have a significant impact. So while I certainly wouldn't mind talking to someone at school for a long time and introducing them to God and my beliefs (as difficult as that would be), I know that there are other ways to have a significant impact.

This is for you Chris Jones

Christopher Jones asked me to blog about my Strengthsfinder test. I won't write about it exstensively now but my top 5 are: Harmony, Achiever, Consistency/Fairness, Focus, and Competition. I might write about it more extensively when I get a better grasp on what they are and what they really mean or how I see them or something. but not now

By Our Side

Last night as I was going to bed, I just had this immense feeling of wanting to write something awesome. something significant. I wasn't sure why and I wasn't sure what it was going to be, but it had to be great. significant. That had me thinking about significance. What does it look like? Why do we strive for significance? Obviously there is not one answer for this. I want to make an impact, to live a life of significance. I do not want to live a life of mediocrity. Not knowing what is to come has me a little bit afraid, not afraid of what is to come but what is not to come. Afraid of failure. Afraid of mediocrity.

The great thing is that significance does not come in a certain shape or package. It is different for everyone. It does not have to be something big and renowned, it does not have to be small and unnoticed. Significance can start today. at school, at home, at the mall, at church, at the asian karaoke restaurant. Significance isn't a solo journey. We are not lost and wandering in our quest for significance, but we have a eternal, heavenly father by our side. By our side to guide us to a life of significance. By our side to talk to. By our side to comfort us. By our side to give us strength. The hard part is not realizing that God will always be there for us, it is seeing what he has in store and putting it into action because with open ears and willing hands, we will lead a life of significance.

May we always remember that the Lord is by our side and that He will lead us to a life of significance through our trust in Him.

Why do we break down when we can lift up? Why do we insult when we can affirm? Why do we taunt when we can appreciate? Why do we make fun when we can make better? Why do we hurt when we can love?

I tried to think of a clever title but I couldn't, but I'll keep trying

Last week my Dad and I drove down to St. Louis for a college visit. A couple nights before that I drove 5 people to Sonic and when I was entering onto I-88 the toll light did not flash "thank you." I had forgot about it until we were in the car together and so I told him what happened. He then realized that he had forgotten to change the credit card number on her ipass after she had switched credit cards recently. While we were in the car driving, we could do nothing about it so my Dad called my mom and asked if she could go online and pay the missed toll and change the credit card number. Unexpectedly, a mini-argument ensued because my Mom didn't want to do it because she didn't really know how. My Dad thought this was silly, as did I for the record, but he eventually conceded and decided to do it on his laptop in the hotel. It wasn't this whole incident that got me thinking but a comment my Dad made after the phone call. To some extent (NOT a direct quote) he said, "Sometimes she has to do things that are outside of her comfort zones." Right after I heard this, a little lightbulb lit up in my head. AHA! It makes so much sense. So many things in life require us to step out of our comfort zone. Loving others. Forgiveness. Adventure. Having Courage. Ignoring Temptation. Following in the footsteps of Jesus Christ. Sometimes just having plain old fun requires us to step outside of our comfort zones. For example, one time I was sitting in a dentist's chair getting a root canal and I sure wasn't comfortable but I was having...so...much...fun? Maybe thats not the best example. I'm not trying to say that we should live our whole lives in discomfort because it is for the greater good, not at all. But what I am saying is that we shouldn't strive to live a life of comfort. That should not be our goal. I know for myself, this can be very hard at times. very hard. very hard. I'm gonna say that one more time: very hard at times. But I know that when I do step outside of my comfort zone, I can almost always look back and see the benefits that it had.

So I'm watching my little cousin Gemma right now and I am really bored so I decided to write a blog post. I should probably be watching what she is doing but she's fine.

As the end of summer approaches, I have reached a crossroads of sorts in my view towards the summer. Most of my time is spent either looking back at all of the good times that I have had or worrying about the forthcoming school year and all of the stress and burdens that come along with it. While I'm doing this, however, I am failing to realize that I am living right now, in this moment, in this second, this little speck of my life that has just come and just gone. While I am dwelling on the past and dreading the future, I am missing out on so many things that are happening now. I'm not necessarily talking about missing hanging out with friends or missing the Cubs game or something material like that, but I may be missing an opportunity to do God's work now. God's plan isn't all about what we're going to do in the future. He wants us to have an impact now, not just think about how we are going to have an impact in the future. What will ever come of us if we are always planning for what's to come and never actually taking the time to stop and realize that there are things that can be done right now.

oh no she just pooped her pants. just kidding.

It's funny (but not really)

note: My first couple of posts are going to be kind of related and I wasn't really sure which one to write about first, so sorry if there is any confusion.

wassup?

So it has been a little over one week since we got back from new mexico. good times. But ever since I have been home, I have been feeling really stressed out. In New Mexico, I never really felt any of the pressure that I normally feel when I am at home. School, work, money, family, busy, busy, rides here, rides there. I came home from New Mexico and ran into a brick wall of stress and it really bummed me out. I was especially frustrated on the first day back because it seemed like all my family wanted to talk about was making me more stressed. Man (or woman, I don't mean to be discriminatory), talk about frustrating. You did not want to talk to me that day. It's funny because I go to New Mexico and share with these kids about God and how they can put all of their trust in him and then I go back home and try to carry everything on my own shoulders. It took me a couple of hours at home, stressing out, and taking my frustrations out on others to finally get them all out and realize what was going on. I have a control problem. I need to feel like I am in control. I wish I could be in control and handle it but I can't, not by myself at least. I need God's help and I know that I can put all of my trust in Him, yet I don't. It's kind of funny, but not really if I really think about it. Let me tell you a cheesy story: There was a boy named Frank (or girl named Lisa, again not discriminatory) and he(she) was failing pre calc. Oh boy(girl), it was ugly. I'm talking 30%. However, everyday after class the teacher would talk to Frank (Lisa) and offer him a little help. Okay, a lot of help, he was offering Frank (Lisa) a free A+. WOOHOO PARTY! Except Frank (Lisa) would never excpet it. He(she) always chose to try it on his own and still he couldn't get it right. This is how I feel sometimes with my relationship with God. (See how cheesy that was, I loved it). Little by little I am giving in, whether it is praying about guidance in my still undecided future in college or journaling about what I am feeling here and now, and little by little I am beginning to feel the burden being lifted off my shoulders. The power of God's grace and love for us will shine through in His plans for us, we need to just let Jesus take the wheel (Thanks Carrie Underwood).

good night

The Reason this Blog started.

Sidenote: You can do different fonts, this is kind of cool!

I've been thinking alot lately. Thinking about different things. And in thinking, I thought about how thinking is a good thing. Don't you think? One thing that I've started to do more frequently in the last couple of weeks is journal and really process my thoughts. A good friend of mine, Lizzy Brady, wrote recently in her blog, an entry titled "Enchilada," about processing thoughts and spending time with God and when I read it, I couldn't agree with it more. (She is a great writer, check her blog out and it will give you goosebumps.) Looking back on the past, I can recount too many times where I would listen to someone say something really good and just let it go right by me. I never really had taken the time to process what they were saying and think how to apply it to my life. In the last few days, I read Lizzy's blog, the New Mexico '09 blog, and Chris Jones's blog and I couldn't stop thinking about how cool they were. So essentially, they were the inspiration for me starting a blog. Hopefully this will help me learn more about myself, God, and my relationship with God, and I also hope that by posting it on the world wide web instead of just in the paper of my journal I will also be able to help others. Also, I have always found writing to be a little bit fun, but school kind of made me view it as a burden so I never really had done it before outside of school. When I was journaling two days ago about maybe starting a blog, I realized I was having a good time, so that kind of clinched it for me. So to everyone reading this (if there is anyone reading this), fasten your seatbelts and hang on to your seats, because this is gonna be a wild ride.

P.S. sorry if I lost anyone in that schpiel because I lost myself. Here's a sparknotes edition:
1. I've been thinking alot and processing my thoughts
2. I read a couple of other blogs that inspired me.
3. I like to write
4. Hopefully this will be beneficial for myself and others

Thank You for reading
(How do you end these things?)