What I Learned While Working the Lobby at McDonald's (Part II)

I think my last post pretty much summed up that I was not a huge fan of working the lobby at McDonald's. I'm a cashier, not a lobby attendant, so I feel out of my element. Well...today I worked the lobby for the second time since I began working at McDonald's. And my experience was quite different. I would actually describe it as really good. When you begin to read the rest of this post, you might think I'm being sarcastic, but I promise I'm not. Bear with me.

I came into work at 11, and right away they told me that I would be on lobby duty for the day. For a split second I wasn't pleased, but I quickly reminded myself that I am not working this job to please myself or to please my employers. I am working this job for God's glory. So that was my attitude for the day: I am working for God.

About a half hour into my shift, I end my first round of cleaning by checking the bathroom. It was relatively early in the day, so I wasn't expecting much of a mess. Mirrors and sinks? Look good. Urinal? Fairly clean. First stall? Not bad at all. Second stall? My heart just about dropped to my feet. The handle was broken, and there was poop in the toilet. But I'm not talking just a little log and a bit of toilet paper. I swear three people pooped in the toilet and filled it with toilet paper. It was as gross as the image that is in your head right now. Trust me. But as my eyes catch their first glance of this catastrophe, my first question was why. Why did these people poop when there was already poop in the toilet? Why were they so stupid? Then I think to myself: maybe if I ignore it, I will get off at five before anyone notices. So I just ignored it. (By the way, that's five and a half hours of nobody noticing a massive amount of poop)

That was around 11:30. We had a lunch rush that began soon after my bathroom check that lasted until 1:30. I was busy enough wiping down tables that I wouldn't have even been allowed to leave the floor to clean bathrooms. So far so good. 

As things began to die down around 2, I was sweeping when a lady came over to me. She seemed relatively innocent. She was probably asking where the ketchup was, or maybe one of the soda machines was out of ice. "I threw up a little bit over there." Oh. Wow. Ok. Wasn't expecting that. I go and grab the mop, and thankfully when I return she had wiped up most of the damage. But the smell remained. You know the smell. Relive it with me. Once the wall of vomit odor passed me, I mopped up the rest of the mess, and it ended up being a fairly harmless experience. 

But then an old friend came knocking. You guessed it, the poop sitting in stall #2.

Someone finally complained about the bathroom, so it was time to work up the courage to clean it. I walked over to my manager, Christine, and said, "There's a....uh....mess in the men's room, and I have no idea how to go about cleaning it. Oh, and the handle for the toilet is broken." I thought maybe throwing in the broken handle would prompt her to call a plumber and spare me the cleaning duty.

"You're gonna have to put on some gloves and scoop it out into a bag. Sorry"

The moment had arrived. The words I was dreading the whole day finally were spoken. For a moment I considered the possibility of running away. They probably couldn't catch me, right? I laughed in disbelief. I was going to have poop and toilet water all over my hands. Well...all over my gloves. But still it was gross. 

I arm myself for battle and confidently strut into the bathroom. I walk over to the toilet, and before I could think too much, hold my breath and start scooping. It was nasty. I'll spare you the details. But I remained sane because I couldn't smell it. So I just imagined that I was scooping Play-Doh or mud. But about halfway through I made the mistake of breathing. The smell hit me like a ton of bricks and, the fact that I was not actually scooping Play-Doh or mud became reality. I did everything in my power to keep myself from making the mess twice as bad (if you know what I mean). As I composed myself, I finally finished the job. 

I deposited the excrements in the dumpster and returned to a pool of brown water. I put on a new pair of gloves, and did my best plumber impersonation. I took a look at the handle and after a couple of minutes of finagling, I was able to fix it. It was as good as new. So I flushed the rest down, threw my gloves in the trash, washed my hands 35 times, and proudly told my manager that I had not only saved our customers from having one toilet to poop in but had also fixed the handle. 

I had two jobs that I would never have asked to do, but I had one of the best days at work. 

This past week, I've been really convicted about how selfish I am. My thoughts revolve around me. My desires revolve around me. My actions revolve around me. The last time I worked in the lobby, God really used it to begin the process of seeing my selfishness for what it really is. The whole time I was complaining to myself about how much I hated the job and how much I would rather do other things. 

It was so pivotal to remind myself at the beginning of my shift that I am working for the glory of God. My whole attitude was different. I was joyful. I was singing along to the radio. I wasn't complaining to myself. Sure, it wasn't fun to clean poop or vomit, but as I was doing it, I couldn't help but laugh and be happy. It was strange. 

This life is not about myself. Summer Project is not about myself. My time at school is not about myself. My job is not about myself. It is all about giving glory to a God who has shown us the greatest love we will ever know. Let us do everything for Him.

"So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God."

1 Corinthians 10:31

What I Learned While Working the Lobby at McDonald's

Yesterday at work, I had the absolutely miserable task of cleaning the lobby at McDonald's. To most of you, this doesn't mean much. But let me tell you, it was horrible. My duty was to patrol the lobby, the area where people sit and eat. I repeatedly walked around the lobby while checking if the garbages were full, wiping down tables, gathering trays, sweeping, and cleaning the bathroom. It was a continual state of deja vu. "This table is dirty. Didn't I just wash this table?" Yes, yes I did. "The soda fountain is out of ice. Didn't I just fill it?" Yes, yes I did. The tasks were monotonous, and I was utterly alone. The only company I had was the Top 40 radio playing in the background. It became my best friend (and was actually kind of fun to sing along to quietly). But I don't want the radio to be my best friend. No one does. And not only that, but our grumpy owners were in the store for the day and one of them corrected me four or five times on how to do things. It seemed like they were watching my every move.

Basically, by "absolutely miserable," I mean "kind of annoying." But it was more dramatic to say absolutely miserable, and I wanted to hook your attention.

But as I was doing the lobby, my least favorite thing to do was sweep because my arms got kind of tired holding the broom and the dustpan for so long. As I walked around, I would look far under benches to the never-explored corners of the McDonald's lobby floor. It was kind of gross back there, and there was definitely garbage that needed to be swept up. But these areas were the easiest to pass up and skip. It was so much easier to clean the areas where people walk frequently, knowing that it would give the appearance of a completely clean restaurant. But it was really just a facade. The corners and under the benches were filthy, but I figured if no one knew, it wouldn't hurt them. And I think every person that has cleaned the lobby for the past six months has thought the same thing, so the dust and trash continue to build. If it stayed the same for years, mold would probably begin to grow and creep into the walls, endangering the entire infrastructure of the building. It was easy to ignore the dirty parts of the restaurant knowing that it would never be seen. It was even easier to only clean the areas where everyone could see that I had done my job well.

I think in a lot of ways this reflects my attitude toward sin in my life, and I think a lot of people also have this view. It's not that I'm not vulnerable or that I'm not willing to open up about sin in my life, but when it comes to actually taking action against sin, it is easy to be passive against those that seem like they will be hard to remove. It is easy to motivate myself to clean up the ones that are easily visible or ones that I know people will ask about. This is such a small view of sin. This view implies that God only wants us to be fighting sin if it is convenient. It implies that the only sin that matters are those that other people see, when really God sees how sin can take over our entire heart.

But sin is a big deal. Sin is an offense against God. It is a slap to the face. It is saying "You are not enough to satisfy me." It is saying "You love me more than I can imagine, but I don't really care."And there is a reason Paul uses armor as a metaphor against guarding from sin and the attacks of the enemy in Ephesians. Because we are in a constant battle of sin trying to tell us that we need not go to God for all of our love and satisfaction. And it is when we believe these lies that our fellowship with God suffers. And we believe these lies more than we can ever imagine. So let's fight for a better understanding of sin. Let's radically fight sin in our life, even when it won't be easily seen by others. Let's remember that God sees it all. Let's remember that no sin is too big for God to forgive.


And let's celebrate this incredible forgiveness and love we have received.


"Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God. And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for the saints." Ephesians 6:14-18

Rooted

If I took away everything that people know me for, who would I be?

At Northwestern, amongst my friends and in Cru, I feel pretty well known. Not in the sense of popularity, but more in the sense of having a distinct character that stands out. I have an identity. I am the funny guy who isn't afraid to be really loud and make himself look like a fool. I am the emcee of Real Life who enjoys having a microphone in his hand and talking until he is told to stop. I'm a now-out-of-the-closet singer who records songs with his roommate in his dorm room. But what if that was all stripped away? Who would I be? How would that feel?

To be honest, I feel pretty satisfied with the identity that I've built for myself. It feels good to have people like me and encourage me. It makes it really easy to be comfortable and "enjoy" life. But what would happen if all my friends stopped laughing at my jokes, maybe even stopped hanging out with me? If I was booed off the stage at Real Life and told I should never talk again? If I had friends who hated my singing and posted nasty comments on my YouTube videos?

It's hard to avoid thinking that I would feel like absolute shit. Pardon my french, but I actually think that I would feel like the scum of all scum, absolutely nothing. These are some of my greatest fears, and it would be incredibly difficult if they were to come true.

My identity is in these things, yet they are temporary. While my fears will most likely never come true, it is possible that they do. And then where will I turn? Will I finally put my identity fully in Jesus? Once all of my other options fail?

Hear me carefully: it is not bad to enjoy good things and have a personality that people like. It is not bad to get upset when we are rejected. The problem comes when those things become our identity.

The moment we begin finding our identity in anything besides Christ is the moment we choose self-sufficiency over reliance on the Spirit. It is the moment that we tell God that our identity in Christ isn't enough, that we need more to be satisfied. When our identity is not in Christ, we are not trusting Him. We are choosing to not believe that He is good, faithful, and enough to satisfy.

"I am the vine; you are the branches. If you remain in me and I in you, you will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing." John 15:5

It is when our identity is rooted in Christ that we are living according to His will. It is when we are firm in our faith, remaining in His love, that we can bear fruit, that we can even do anything. When our identity is in the temporary things of this world, we can do nothing. On our own, we can do nothing.

As followers of Christ, our identity is not defined by our sin or the things of this world. This is not how we stand before God. We stand before God justified by Jesus' death on the cross. We are seen as righteous, forgiven, and white as snow. Completely clean. And we are offered the chance to remain in this love. Abide in this love. What reason do we have to find our identity in any other place?

Let's surrender our identities. Let's show with our thoughts and actions that we need no other source of satisfaction. Let's choose to believe that God is good, that He is faithful, and that He is more than enough.

A Response to My Own Ocean City Ramblings

I wrote last week about my struggles against the idol of acceptance here in Ocean City. I talked about how frustrating it is to know that I am accepted by God, but not truly believe it in my heart. But in the past couple of days, I realized that I was looking at it completely wrong.

First, I just want to say thank you for all of the encouragement I received. Honestly, I needed it and it really did give me more confidence to step out of my comfort zone and risk looking like a fool in order to get to know more people on a deeper level. And yes, as I've now been here over a week (cray cray, I know), I have been able to get to know some guys on a much deeper level. It has been a huge blessing.

But I want to go back to the incorrect ways I was looking at my idolization of acceptance.

Before, I was trying to tell myself that God accepted me. I was trying to remind myself of this fact, repeating it over and over in my thoughts and prayers. And God really did show up and give me peace and comfort. I'm grateful for His love and faithfulness. But this wasn't really lasting more than a couple hours or maybe a day. As I wrote before, it was going to be a process. But I was essentially trying to believe harder. I told myself that if I kept saying this, eventually a switch would flip, and I would go from unbelief to belief. If I believed hard enough, eventually I would reach the breaking point and come to terms with the truth.

I think this is why I knew these truths but didn't believe them. I was trying too hard. I ran to the cross for temporary relief from the emotions that were overwhelming me, but when it came to actually believing the truth, I tried to do it on my own.

But God doesn't want us to surrender parts of our thoughts to Him. He wants all of us:

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart
and lean not on your own understanding;
in all your ways submit to him,
and he will make your paths straight."
Proverbs 3:5-6

It says "all your heart" and "all your ways." It means it.

So I changed the way I view this idol of acceptance in my life. I view it through the truths of the gospel. And instead of believing harder, I see the beauty of Jesus dying on the cross and I have already seen my heart begin to change. At the moment I came to know the Lord, I was clothed in the righteousness of Jesus. I became a child of God; son to a Father that loves us unconditionally and accepts us. When he looks at us, He sees Jesus, and He says, "You are my Son, whom I love; with you I am well pleased." I was freed from the burden of trying to earn others acceptance because I have overflowing love and acceptance from my Heavenly Father.

A switch was not magically flipped in my heart. I continue to struggle with this issue. But I am not going to change my heart and my thought patterns by trying harder. I am going to do it by returning to the truth of the gospel, what is true of followers of Christ, and diving deeper into the meaning of the bloody death of my Savior. I am being sanctified, and as I trust God with all my heart and submit all my ways to Him, He will make my paths straight. He will change my heart.

I think this applies to every idol we have in our lives. And we certainly all have them. Stop trying to change what you think out of your own effort. It's not about doing anything. It's about surrender.

Prayer

"God aims to exalt Himself by working for those who wait for Him. Prayer is the essential activity of waiting for God - acknowledging our helplessness and His power, calling upon Him for help, seeking His counsel. Since His purpose in the world is to be exalted for His mercy, it is evident why prayer is so often commanded by God. Prayer is the antidote for the disease of self-confidence, which opposes God's goal of getting glory by working for those who wait for Him."

John Piper, Desiring God

And Repeat

It seems like this is going to be a process. I take steps out of my comfort zone as the day goes on, and by the end of the day, I usually have had fun, quality interactions with a couple people. But when I wake up in the morning, the confidence that I have gained is gone. The butterflies in the stomach are there. The uncertainty of who wants to talk to me lingering in my head. Lies dominating my thoughts. So I repeat the process.

Walking in the Spirit is not something that we just begin doing one day. It does not magically become a habit that is a characteristic of our lives. We must make the conscious decision each and every day to walk in the power of God, not in our own. And it is tough because I have always done everything in my own strength. But God's presence does not leave us. He is sealed inside of us, and will never leave us alone. So we repeat the process.

Thankful for a God that always remains faithful.

Ocean City Ramblings and Fears

Ocean City is supposed to be the summer of my life. It gets talked up about how awesome it is and how life changing it is. But right now all I want to do is be at Northwestern where I am comfortable. I have 6 of my closest friends here with me, yet it is so easy to be sitting in a room filled completely with people and feel alone.

I'm sure this will change in a week or so. I'll finally have lots of friends and meet lots of people. But right now I'm having a hard time not feeling bad for myself and complaining in my head. Everything seems so fake. I just want to finally have real relationships with people here.

I feel like I am constantly in fear. I'm afraid of different things, but it certainly feels like it is surrounding me. And maybe these fears are unwarranted. I don't know. But I have them, and I don't think they're just going to go away.

I'm stuck in this tug of emotions. Part of me hates discomfort so much. I don't hate being here, but I hate these emotions that are going through my head. Most of them are lies, but battling them is exhausting. It is one thing to know that the acceptance of others doesn't matter and it is another thing to believe it. I know it. Everyone tells me. But I am still striving for the acceptance of real relationships. Those are the relationships where I really feel loved.

The other part of me knows that I absolutely need discomfort. In the midst of discomfort is where I most frequently run to the arms of God in desperation. Desperate for Him to fill me, not the empty words of others. Desperate for His love, not empty acceptance. In the midst of discomfort is where I feel God's unconditional love and grace. It overwhelms me almost to the point of tears. No part of me can do this on my own, and it is in the midst of discomfort that I realize that. I am so thankful that God doesn't hate me for how often I neglect Him in favor of my own effort.

And He doesn't just "not hate me," he loves me. And that is enough.

Wow! I was about to end my blog post with that past sentence, but please just sit on that amazing fact for a second. The reward of following Jesus is Jesus. He is our inheritance. And that is enough. Nothing else is necessary. All of my fears and worries don't need to exist. I have Jesus and he is absolutely enough. That is such a frustrating thought to know that and have such a hard time believing it.

But I am so thankful for that. God is praiseworthy for giving us this Inheritance that is completely satisfying. And we have done nothing to deserve it.

I posted this on this blog, and not on my Ocean City blog. Maybe because it is more personal. I think I would tell people I was feeling this way if they asked me, but I don't want it to be read on a blog before they know me.

Anyways, I would appreciate your prayers.