Enjoy

As I walk down the street, the sun is shining and the snow is melting.
It is a beautiful day.
Sin is heavy on my heart, though. Its deceit rearing its head.
I am happy. I am satisfied with the day, the weather.
However, something much deeper lingers within me, and I cannot enjoy it.
Sin grieves my soul, sucking the joy out of me.
As I stare at the sun through the trees, I am unable to enjoy the beauty.
But my enlightenment to this lack of joy brings me back to truth.
I have a God who gives me the freedom to no longer wallow in sin.
A God who gives me the freedom to feel forgiven.
A God who gives me the freedom to be fulfilled.
A God who gives me the freedom to be joyful.
Freedom to enjoy Him.
Despite my rebellious heart, despite my selfish ways, God is unchanging.
He is merciful.
He is just.
He is holy.
He is righteous.
He is faithful.
He is sovereign.
He is gracious.
He is love.
And He has given me the freedom to enjoy Him.

"Enter his gates with Thanksgiving
  and his courts with praise;
  give thanks to him and praise his name.
 For the Lord is good and his love endures forever;
  his faithfulness continues through all generations."
-Psalm 100:4-5

The Power of Words

I'm not one to swear much. In fact, I hardly ever swear, and when I do it's typically muttered under my breath. I grew up learning that some words were bad and should never be said. But this blog post isn't about swearing.

I recently watched a video (at the bottom of the post) where Paul Tripp was talking about what makes bad language bad. And what started as an explanation of why a certain swear word in particular is not always unwholesome language, it convicted me in other ways that I use language.

I don't swear (a lot). I don't use culturally "dirty" language. But I do speak unwholesome talk far too often. I mask my "clean" vocabulary with sarcasm, with biting comments that are not always ill-intended but wound others more often than I'd like. I try to use humor to make people laugh, but there are times when I am simply exposing flaws in others and putting them down. The vast majority of the time, I don't intentionally use my words to bring others down, but I let my tongue slip in a way that communicates that I care more about being funny/looking good/impressing others than I do about loving others well.

How should we communicate then? Let's look at what the Bible says about that:

"Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen." -Ephesians 4:29

"Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how to answer everyone." -Colossians 4:6

Our words are just another way that we should be pointing people to Christ. I look at these verses and I think of how often I screw this up, and I also notice how strongly these are worded. "Do not let ANY unwholesome talk..." "ALWAYS FULL of grace" This is a zero tolerance command.

I love the way that Paul Tripp puts it: "The Bible says that wholesome communication is intended to give grace to the hearer...I'm called to love you like Christ loved me. What is that love? It's easily defined: It's willing self-sacrifice for the redemptive good of another."

My words are not a way for me to lift up and glorify myself. They are a way to glorify Christ and show others the grace He has shown me. Sometimes, that requires self-sacrifice: holding back a joke that will make fun of others or resisting to make a sarcastic comment when I'm not happy about something.

I want to love others well. I want to be encouraging in my conversations. I want to only say what is helpful for building others up. I want to point others to the God that has forgiven me of all my sins. I invite you to join me.

Daniel

The book of Daniel in the Bible is quickly becoming one of my favorites. And not because it shares my name (which I do happen to like). What I am consistently being struck by as I read through this book is how much faith Daniel has. Not only does Daniel have faith in God to do incredible things through him, but along the path he is constantly talking about how broken he is.

Now, I know that lots of Bible characters have a lot of faith. There are countless people over the years that have had to trust in the promises of God only to watch him fully provide. But Daniel chooses to say no to the temptations of the world in favor of the promises of his Lord. In interpreting dreams, he has faith that God will reveal the true meanings to him. In disobeying the king and continuing to pray to God, he has faith that he is serving the true King. In being thrown into the Lions Den, he has faith that God will protect him. This is not even to mention the faith of Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego, who had faith that God would help them survive being thrown into a furnace. Underlying their faith in these specific aspects of God's character is a faith that God is real, that He is alive, that He is moving, and that He loves them deeply.

Now, I'm not going to lie, if these things happened to me, I would have a hard time controlling my ego. The moment I walked out of the lions den unscathed, part of me would be thinking, "All of these people are pretty impressed with me. I like it." I would have a temptation to tell myself that I am great and try and steal glory from God.

But this is what really intrigues me about Daniel. He seems to have the exact opposite reaction that I envision myself having. His prayer in chapter 9 is as humble as humble gets. He reveals a heart that is so aware of the fact that he has been redeemed without reason. He has been forgiven by a merciful God :

"The Lord our God is merciful and forgiving, even though we have rebelled against him; we have not obeyed the Lord our God or kept the laws he gave us through his servants the prophets. All Israel has transgressed your law and turned away, refusing to obey you." Verse 9-11

"We do not make requests of you because we are righteous, but because of your great mercy." Verse 18

Sometimes my view of God is so small and my view of my self is gigantic. I know that God is real and that a perfectly merciful and just God has forgiven me. I know that He sent Jesus to bear every sin I have ever committed on the cross so that there would be a way that I could be in a relationship with him.

But I still have such little faith. At times, my heart has a hard time grasping what my head knows so certainly. I rely on my own power. And when I succeed, my prayer is rarely that of Daniel's. Sure, when I mess up that is my prayer, but almost never when I am successful.

I want Daniel's faith. I want to be unafraid when I walk into a lions den because I know that my God is fully sovereign. I want Daniel's prayer to be true of my heart all the time. I want to be in constant recognition that I have rebelled against God and it is only because of his mercy that I can even approach Him in prayer.

I am so thankful that God knows me fully, that he knows I lack faith at times and am prideful at times. I am so thankful that he can see my brokenness in its fullness. And He still loves me. I am so thankful.

An Attempt at Processing Ocean City Summer Project

Well. Here goes nothing.

I feel like I've been avoiding this moment. The moment where I sit down and actually begin to think through my summer and look at all I learned and all that I can continue to learn from it. It seems so overwhelming that my lazy self has waited until now to attack it.

Being home has been hard. People talk about the infamous case of Post Project Depression that usually hits students following an amazing Summer Project experience. I don't think I have that. I would call it more of a Post Project Apathy. But even through this time at home where things are not always rainbows and butterflies, I have been learning things about myself that I would never have noticed without my time in Ocean City.

In order to make the procedure of processing as simple as possible, I am just going to make a list of the things that I learned. I like lists, and I hope you do too. Let's begin:

1. Community has so much potential to point people to Christ, but it begins with initiative. The community this summer was incredible. It was amazing how quickly we began talking about our deepest darkest secrets and reminding each other what grace looks like. It was amazing how we surrounded each other with love during hard times and laughed with each other during easier times. But there were times this summer where I felt dissatisfied with the community. I know...shocking. And one thing that I wish I had done more was take initiative. Take the initiative to ask someone to hang out one-on-one or go sharing or talk about things more meaningful than the weather. One of the best times of authentic community that I had was when a couple of guys spontaneously decided to plan a group quiet time where a group of us read a passage in the Bible and then discussed it. This was not planned by the project, but it was a sweet time of community and pointing each other toward Christ, and it all started when a couple of guys took initiative. This can happen at Northwestern, I just need to take initiative. Anyways, I could write a whole blogpost on this, but I have more points to make.

2. I need to remind myself of the gospel so badly. It is so easy for me to fall into the mindset of thinking I need to perform for God. It is so easy for me to feel guilty when I fall. Jesus died for that part of me. The law is my delight, and I have been freed from the chains of sin. I am clothed in the righteousness of Christ because I have put my faith in Him. I am forgiven.

3. I am really selfish. I almost always pursue my own wants and desires, even subconsciously. I want to put myself first, I want to make myself comfortable, and I want others to notice me. This is the essence of my sin. Almost all of my sin. I idolize myself and want to serve myself in whatever way possible. I have a hard time thinking of myself as a living sacrifice. But that is what I am. And if it came down to it, I would be willing to count myself as absolutely nothing for the sake of Christ. I think. It is really hard.

4. I am really bad at making time for God. The end of the summer got really busy for me. As the leadership team duties began to pile up and work at McDonald's continued on as normal, I began to have less and less free time. It often seemed I had two ways to fill this free time: have a quiet time or hang out with people. As my time in Ocean City winded down, it became easier and easier to convince myself to spend my spare moments investing in other people. While it was loads of fun, it took a toll on my relationship with God.

5. I really enjoy leading people. Maybe I just love control. But I think that it is one of my strengths, and I love being able to serve people by leading them and (hopefully) pointing them to Christ.

6. I loved giving my talk. It was probably my favorite part of the summer. For those of you who don't know, I had a chance to give a talk to the whole project on Isaiah 6:1-8. Ask me about it, I would love to explain more.

7. One thing that I've been realizing in this past week at home is that my fear of God is so little. I think that I take my forgiveness and promised salvation for granted. I rarely think of what God has saved me from and what wrath I deserve that he has chosen to pour out on his Son instead of me. This is something that I am still processing through right now. But fear of the Lord is a big deal and I want to grow a lot in this area.

There is still more, but that is all I can think of now. Thanks for reading.

I'd love prayers for my time back home. I've still got three weeks or so, and it is going to be kind of lonely. Please pray that I will be using my time to dive into God's Word and prayer. Pray that I will have strong community with the couple of guys from Northwestern who live near me. Pray that I will find all of my satisfaction in Him. Pray that I will not be comfortable where I am.

Also, I love questions! Feel free to shoot away!

What I Learned While Working the Lobby at McDonald's (Part II)

I think my last post pretty much summed up that I was not a huge fan of working the lobby at McDonald's. I'm a cashier, not a lobby attendant, so I feel out of my element. Well...today I worked the lobby for the second time since I began working at McDonald's. And my experience was quite different. I would actually describe it as really good. When you begin to read the rest of this post, you might think I'm being sarcastic, but I promise I'm not. Bear with me.

I came into work at 11, and right away they told me that I would be on lobby duty for the day. For a split second I wasn't pleased, but I quickly reminded myself that I am not working this job to please myself or to please my employers. I am working this job for God's glory. So that was my attitude for the day: I am working for God.

About a half hour into my shift, I end my first round of cleaning by checking the bathroom. It was relatively early in the day, so I wasn't expecting much of a mess. Mirrors and sinks? Look good. Urinal? Fairly clean. First stall? Not bad at all. Second stall? My heart just about dropped to my feet. The handle was broken, and there was poop in the toilet. But I'm not talking just a little log and a bit of toilet paper. I swear three people pooped in the toilet and filled it with toilet paper. It was as gross as the image that is in your head right now. Trust me. But as my eyes catch their first glance of this catastrophe, my first question was why. Why did these people poop when there was already poop in the toilet? Why were they so stupid? Then I think to myself: maybe if I ignore it, I will get off at five before anyone notices. So I just ignored it. (By the way, that's five and a half hours of nobody noticing a massive amount of poop)

That was around 11:30. We had a lunch rush that began soon after my bathroom check that lasted until 1:30. I was busy enough wiping down tables that I wouldn't have even been allowed to leave the floor to clean bathrooms. So far so good. 

As things began to die down around 2, I was sweeping when a lady came over to me. She seemed relatively innocent. She was probably asking where the ketchup was, or maybe one of the soda machines was out of ice. "I threw up a little bit over there." Oh. Wow. Ok. Wasn't expecting that. I go and grab the mop, and thankfully when I return she had wiped up most of the damage. But the smell remained. You know the smell. Relive it with me. Once the wall of vomit odor passed me, I mopped up the rest of the mess, and it ended up being a fairly harmless experience. 

But then an old friend came knocking. You guessed it, the poop sitting in stall #2.

Someone finally complained about the bathroom, so it was time to work up the courage to clean it. I walked over to my manager, Christine, and said, "There's a....uh....mess in the men's room, and I have no idea how to go about cleaning it. Oh, and the handle for the toilet is broken." I thought maybe throwing in the broken handle would prompt her to call a plumber and spare me the cleaning duty.

"You're gonna have to put on some gloves and scoop it out into a bag. Sorry"

The moment had arrived. The words I was dreading the whole day finally were spoken. For a moment I considered the possibility of running away. They probably couldn't catch me, right? I laughed in disbelief. I was going to have poop and toilet water all over my hands. Well...all over my gloves. But still it was gross. 

I arm myself for battle and confidently strut into the bathroom. I walk over to the toilet, and before I could think too much, hold my breath and start scooping. It was nasty. I'll spare you the details. But I remained sane because I couldn't smell it. So I just imagined that I was scooping Play-Doh or mud. But about halfway through I made the mistake of breathing. The smell hit me like a ton of bricks and, the fact that I was not actually scooping Play-Doh or mud became reality. I did everything in my power to keep myself from making the mess twice as bad (if you know what I mean). As I composed myself, I finally finished the job. 

I deposited the excrements in the dumpster and returned to a pool of brown water. I put on a new pair of gloves, and did my best plumber impersonation. I took a look at the handle and after a couple of minutes of finagling, I was able to fix it. It was as good as new. So I flushed the rest down, threw my gloves in the trash, washed my hands 35 times, and proudly told my manager that I had not only saved our customers from having one toilet to poop in but had also fixed the handle. 

I had two jobs that I would never have asked to do, but I had one of the best days at work. 

This past week, I've been really convicted about how selfish I am. My thoughts revolve around me. My desires revolve around me. My actions revolve around me. The last time I worked in the lobby, God really used it to begin the process of seeing my selfishness for what it really is. The whole time I was complaining to myself about how much I hated the job and how much I would rather do other things. 

It was so pivotal to remind myself at the beginning of my shift that I am working for the glory of God. My whole attitude was different. I was joyful. I was singing along to the radio. I wasn't complaining to myself. Sure, it wasn't fun to clean poop or vomit, but as I was doing it, I couldn't help but laugh and be happy. It was strange. 

This life is not about myself. Summer Project is not about myself. My time at school is not about myself. My job is not about myself. It is all about giving glory to a God who has shown us the greatest love we will ever know. Let us do everything for Him.

"So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God."

1 Corinthians 10:31

What I Learned While Working the Lobby at McDonald's

Yesterday at work, I had the absolutely miserable task of cleaning the lobby at McDonald's. To most of you, this doesn't mean much. But let me tell you, it was horrible. My duty was to patrol the lobby, the area where people sit and eat. I repeatedly walked around the lobby while checking if the garbages were full, wiping down tables, gathering trays, sweeping, and cleaning the bathroom. It was a continual state of deja vu. "This table is dirty. Didn't I just wash this table?" Yes, yes I did. "The soda fountain is out of ice. Didn't I just fill it?" Yes, yes I did. The tasks were monotonous, and I was utterly alone. The only company I had was the Top 40 radio playing in the background. It became my best friend (and was actually kind of fun to sing along to quietly). But I don't want the radio to be my best friend. No one does. And not only that, but our grumpy owners were in the store for the day and one of them corrected me four or five times on how to do things. It seemed like they were watching my every move.

Basically, by "absolutely miserable," I mean "kind of annoying." But it was more dramatic to say absolutely miserable, and I wanted to hook your attention.

But as I was doing the lobby, my least favorite thing to do was sweep because my arms got kind of tired holding the broom and the dustpan for so long. As I walked around, I would look far under benches to the never-explored corners of the McDonald's lobby floor. It was kind of gross back there, and there was definitely garbage that needed to be swept up. But these areas were the easiest to pass up and skip. It was so much easier to clean the areas where people walk frequently, knowing that it would give the appearance of a completely clean restaurant. But it was really just a facade. The corners and under the benches were filthy, but I figured if no one knew, it wouldn't hurt them. And I think every person that has cleaned the lobby for the past six months has thought the same thing, so the dust and trash continue to build. If it stayed the same for years, mold would probably begin to grow and creep into the walls, endangering the entire infrastructure of the building. It was easy to ignore the dirty parts of the restaurant knowing that it would never be seen. It was even easier to only clean the areas where everyone could see that I had done my job well.

I think in a lot of ways this reflects my attitude toward sin in my life, and I think a lot of people also have this view. It's not that I'm not vulnerable or that I'm not willing to open up about sin in my life, but when it comes to actually taking action against sin, it is easy to be passive against those that seem like they will be hard to remove. It is easy to motivate myself to clean up the ones that are easily visible or ones that I know people will ask about. This is such a small view of sin. This view implies that God only wants us to be fighting sin if it is convenient. It implies that the only sin that matters are those that other people see, when really God sees how sin can take over our entire heart.

But sin is a big deal. Sin is an offense against God. It is a slap to the face. It is saying "You are not enough to satisfy me." It is saying "You love me more than I can imagine, but I don't really care."And there is a reason Paul uses armor as a metaphor against guarding from sin and the attacks of the enemy in Ephesians. Because we are in a constant battle of sin trying to tell us that we need not go to God for all of our love and satisfaction. And it is when we believe these lies that our fellowship with God suffers. And we believe these lies more than we can ever imagine. So let's fight for a better understanding of sin. Let's radically fight sin in our life, even when it won't be easily seen by others. Let's remember that God sees it all. Let's remember that no sin is too big for God to forgive.


And let's celebrate this incredible forgiveness and love we have received.


"Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God. And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for the saints." Ephesians 6:14-18

Rooted

If I took away everything that people know me for, who would I be?

At Northwestern, amongst my friends and in Cru, I feel pretty well known. Not in the sense of popularity, but more in the sense of having a distinct character that stands out. I have an identity. I am the funny guy who isn't afraid to be really loud and make himself look like a fool. I am the emcee of Real Life who enjoys having a microphone in his hand and talking until he is told to stop. I'm a now-out-of-the-closet singer who records songs with his roommate in his dorm room. But what if that was all stripped away? Who would I be? How would that feel?

To be honest, I feel pretty satisfied with the identity that I've built for myself. It feels good to have people like me and encourage me. It makes it really easy to be comfortable and "enjoy" life. But what would happen if all my friends stopped laughing at my jokes, maybe even stopped hanging out with me? If I was booed off the stage at Real Life and told I should never talk again? If I had friends who hated my singing and posted nasty comments on my YouTube videos?

It's hard to avoid thinking that I would feel like absolute shit. Pardon my french, but I actually think that I would feel like the scum of all scum, absolutely nothing. These are some of my greatest fears, and it would be incredibly difficult if they were to come true.

My identity is in these things, yet they are temporary. While my fears will most likely never come true, it is possible that they do. And then where will I turn? Will I finally put my identity fully in Jesus? Once all of my other options fail?

Hear me carefully: it is not bad to enjoy good things and have a personality that people like. It is not bad to get upset when we are rejected. The problem comes when those things become our identity.

The moment we begin finding our identity in anything besides Christ is the moment we choose self-sufficiency over reliance on the Spirit. It is the moment that we tell God that our identity in Christ isn't enough, that we need more to be satisfied. When our identity is not in Christ, we are not trusting Him. We are choosing to not believe that He is good, faithful, and enough to satisfy.

"I am the vine; you are the branches. If you remain in me and I in you, you will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing." John 15:5

It is when our identity is rooted in Christ that we are living according to His will. It is when we are firm in our faith, remaining in His love, that we can bear fruit, that we can even do anything. When our identity is in the temporary things of this world, we can do nothing. On our own, we can do nothing.

As followers of Christ, our identity is not defined by our sin or the things of this world. This is not how we stand before God. We stand before God justified by Jesus' death on the cross. We are seen as righteous, forgiven, and white as snow. Completely clean. And we are offered the chance to remain in this love. Abide in this love. What reason do we have to find our identity in any other place?

Let's surrender our identities. Let's show with our thoughts and actions that we need no other source of satisfaction. Let's choose to believe that God is good, that He is faithful, and that He is more than enough.